If you have ever cleaned up a room only to have it look like a tornado ripped through it five minutes later…
If you have ever had to yell, “Don’t touch your poop!” or ask “Why are you eating dog food?”…
If you have ever had to pull a grape or a piece of cheese or some other food remnant out of your coffee…
If you find yourself chugging glasses of wine because you don’t have the energy to actually enjoy them…
Or if you’ve ever just wanted to hide in a closet so that you could enjoy just a moment of peace and quiet…
You’re probably a mom.
Being a mom is Hard work with a capital “H.” In honor of Mother’s Day, we want to give a shoutout to all the moms out there who have to put up with bratty tweens who roll their eyes, toddlers who think that pulling hair is a sign of gratitude and teens who unwittingly break our hearts when they act like they don’t need us.
Of course, we as moms often bring the trouble upon ourselves. That time you wore mismatched shoes was not the fault of your child but simply the byproduct of an overworked brain. And the date night you wore a formula stained blouse? You should have been more vigilant in your selection!
Whether you’re a tired, frazzled and dazed mother of a toddler, twins or tweens, this post is a wonderful reminder that you’re not alone. And for all you single “kids” out there, this is just a friendly reminder that you owe your mom big this Mother’s Day.
1. Remember that time when your toddler decided to get creative with your mascara?…
…and your blush, and your favorite eyeshadow and your contour stick? Yeah, that was fun. But I bet it wasn’t as fun as the time this mom had to pull a mascara wand out of her child’s hair.
2. Hey, we all love dozens of the same pictures of our kids, right?
This kid figured her mom was already taking her photo every opportunity she could get, so she decided to help out. So what if you can’t see her face?
3. When you try to do something for yourself for once, your children miraculously turn into acrobats.
“Pst, Mom’s not paying attention to us. I’m gonna finally bust out those moves we’ve been practicing.”
4. Every mom has that morning when she just KNOWS it’s going to be a bad day.
Okay, so that kid has a Folger’s can in bed, but that white powder is certainly not coffee…
Whatever the mysterious white substance is, we’re sure Mom didn’t want to clean it up first thing in the morning.
5. Remember that time your little artist got creative…on the wall?
And on the closet doors, and on the antique buffet and on the freshly painted kitchen cabinets. Oh, that was just my kid? Yeah, he’s a real Picasso.
6. When you tell them that they can’t color on walls anymore, they get creative.
I have to hand it to these parents…at least my kid hasn’t done this, yet. He’s only three, so we’ll see.
7. You’re not a mom if you haven’t been puked on.
Oh, the stomach bug is all kinds of joy as the parent of a toddler. But this poor mother…she deserves a medal.
8. Not all moms can say that they’ve had to wash puke out of their hair, but I’m sure we can all relate to this.
WHY do young children think it’s fun to play in the trash? Who raised them to be this way?! (*Now watch as all moms who tried but failed to raise their youngins to be decent, non-trash digging human beings exit the building in shame.*)
9. Oh, the joy of the young beautician…
Every kid has done it–I myself have done it–yet every mother acts so surprised when they first catch a glimpse of their child’s scalp. “What have you done?” Mom yells as child stands there innocently with a pair of scissors…
10. Oh, you know, just another typical meltdown on a public restroom floor.
In addition to trying to teach our children the important things in life, such as use your manners, clean up after yourself and treat others like you want to be treated, we also have to teach our children things like don’t lay your face on the bathroom floor. It’s standard parenting protocol.
11. Another important lesson we must teach our offspring: Poo is not for playing.
Who would have thought parenting would be so much fun?! And here I thought it was going to be all about reading books, playing patty-cake and frolicking in fields of butterflies.
12. Again with the white powder!
What are these mothers keeping in their bedrooms that their children have such easy access to?!
That aside, I do feel for this mom. Privacy is not a thing when you have children.
13. She cleaned up five minutes before this photo was taken.
If you really want to feel like you spend entire days on wasted efforts, become a mom.
In all seriousness, if you’ve ever thought about going into disaster recovery, momming provides the perfect training.
14. Ah, the classic underwear on the head…
In all fairness, I do this to my toddlers to get a good laugh. It’s definitely my fault if they start making a fashion statement out of it.
15. Because when you’re a mom, you need ALL the coffee.
Starbucks is for the weak, and don’t even get me started on that “one cup a day” BS. You start your day with a gallon of coffee, hydrate with water, and when five o’clock rolls around, you bust out the wine. Again, it’s standard parenting protocol.
16. Some kids don’t get mad, they get even.
“Mom told me to put away my Legos RIGHT in the middle of me building another large tower. I’ll show her and scatter them all over the floor, along with my Matchbox cars and other tiny trinkets.”
17. When everyone asks why your 3-year-old still isn’t potty trained…
…ask them how many times THEY’VE been peed on despite the fact that the toilet was less than a foot away. Potty training a child is hard. Potty training a boy with no control is downright difficult.
18. But, you know, potty training is a better alternative to this…
I feel like this photo truly sums up the joys of motherhood–or, at least it prepares you for all the crap to come (ha ha, get it?).
19. Because when you’re a mom, nothing is off limits.
A foot in your face while they’re sleeping…a foot in your face while they’re eating…a foot in your face when they’re just being playful. For whatever reason, toddlers love to stick their feet in their moms’ faces, both consciously and subconsciously.
20. Kiss your clean car goodbye.
You have two choices as a mom: either let your children scream during the car ride, or silence them with some goldfish and a chocolate bar, thereby guaranteeing that your car will never be the same again. Choose wisely.
21. When gum becomes the enemy.
Who knew that the chewy delight would become your arch nemesis? In addition to no longer being able to enjoy a cup of coffee, a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate, you can go ahead and cross gum off the list as well.
22. Speaking of not being able to enjoy things…
If you want to eat your, ah, “lunch,” in peace, you gotta get creative. Pickles with a side of screaming child.
23. Mom fashion at its finest.
All those pictures of Kylie looking fabulous hours after giving birth and of Kate Middleton looking more put together than I’ve ever looked, even Pre-K? Yeah, that’s not real life.
24. After a while, you stop trying to impress everyone with your mad momming skills and just try to keep it real.
You knew kids were messy before you decided to have one of your own, you know that yours will continue to make messes until the day they move out (and probably far beyond that), but that won’t stop you from yelling at them when they act on their untidy instincts.
25. But at the end of the day, there’s always the bottle.
A bottle of wine for you, a bottle of milk for them, tomato / tomahto. If you don’t feel a need to juice up at the end of the day, you’re doing it wrong.
So, you ask, why become a mom in the first place?
Because no one will ever love you like your children do, and you’ll never love anyone or anything as much as you love them. And when they do decide to be sweet, your heart will melt and so too will all the memories of them being rambunctious a-holes in the first place.
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