It’s not a secret that parenting is tough but rewarding. Many people are great parents and love having children. Others don’t choose that path in life.
Many people either can’t have children or don’t want to have them. There is nothing wrong with that. It may be hard for some people to understand, but that doesn’t mean that anyone has the right to question it.
Still, many people who do not have children are constantly questioned about it. They have to explain themselves over and over again, and those who are living with infertility have to deal with the disappointment and guilt they feel every single time. It’s never easy to answer those questions.
Couples who do not have children don’t like these questions. Even though they may seem harmless to the person asking, they can be hurtful and come off as judgmental. Here are 30 questions that people without kids are tired of hearing.
1. “You’ll change your mind.”
Maybe they will, and maybe they won’t. Nobody can predict the future, and no one has the right to assume what someone will do with their life. Personal decisions are just that, personal. When a person says something like this, they are stepping over the line and being offensive.
2. “Imagine if your parents didn’t want you.”
If the goal is to make a person feel bad about not having kids or being alive for that matter, this might be okay to say. These types of comments don’t make any sense. There is no reason to compare the different situations. Because someone chooses not to have kids doesn’t mean they wouldn’t take care of them. They just don’t want to be parents.
Most women and even men are well aware of their ages and when they should or could have children. They don’t need to be told that they have little time. They know there is still plenty of time, they just aren’t worried about it.
4. “Kids give meaning to life.”
This may be true for people who have or want kids, but it makes it seem as if someone who doesn’t have children will find no meaning in life, which isn’t true. Many people are happy and live great lives without having kids. Other things give their lives meaning.
5. “Having children is the BEST decision I ever made.”
That is wonderful for you, but just because you’re happy with children doesn’t mean you have the right to assume that someone else wants to have them. It’s a decision for a reason. Everyone has a choice. Let those who don’t want to have children make their own decision.
6. “Don’t you want someone to carry your family lineage?”
There are a lot of things to stress about in life, the last thing someone wants to worry about is who is going to carry on the family lineage. More than likely, they have already thought about it, which clearly isn’t that important if they still choose not to have children.
7. “I didn’t know who I was until I had kids.”
Just because it took having kids for one person to learn who they are, doesn’t mean kids are necessary for anyone else’s self-discovery. Some people can find purpose and learn who they are without having kids. Everyone is different, so neither perspective is wrong.
8. “Hasn’t your biological clock started ticking?”
People who don’t want kids or already have them haven’t avoided the thought or conversation. Either they are trying to conceive and can’t, or they don’t want children. Reminding them that time is ticking away won’t make infertility any easier to deal with or change their minds.
9. “You don’t have much time left, don’t wait too long.”
This comment is stressful to someone who may already be worried about how long they have left to have children. Reminding them of it won’t help them have a child any faster. They may already be stressed and struggling to get pregnant, or they may decide they don’t want children.
10. “I wish I could sleep in, but I can’t now that I’m a parent.”
If a comment like this is supposed to make someone want to have a child, it will probably have the opposite effect. It may just make them glad they can still sleep in whenever they want. If someone says this to a person who wants to have kids but can’t conceive, it might make them sad.
11. “You’d be such a great parent, though.”
Although a person might say this as a compliment, it doesn’t make someone who can’t have kids feel better or someone who doesn’t want them reconsider. Not that they wouldn’t be a good parent, they just don’t want children.
12. “Who is going to take care of you when you’re older?”
This question is one that nobody should ever ask. Just because a person doesn’t have kids doesn’t mean they won’t have someone to take care of them in the future. Maybe they have other family members, or perhaps they plan to live in a retirement community. There are plenty of options.
13. “You’re missing out on the best part of life. “
This message says that people, who don’t or can’t have kids cannot truly enjoy life, which isn’t true. Children may be wonderful, but there are plenty of other things that make life great. It’s not fair to say something like this to someone.
14. “I said the same thing when I was your age, you’ll get over it.”
What’s to get over, telling someone they will get over not wanting kids is only going to make them mad. It’s not a phase. Most people have put a lot of thought into whether or not they want to be parents and feel confident in their decision.
15. “Being a parent will teach you to be less selfish.”
Probably not. A selfish person will be just as selfish if they have kids. Maybe this is why some people choose not to have children, and it’s probably a good reason. One thing that is selfish is thinking that giving an opinion about someone’s personal life is more important than their feelings.
16. “I found an article that might change your mind.”
The last thing anyone wants is to read an article that is being suggested by someone who is trying to convince them to make a major life decision. They have read plenty of articles and listened to all the arguments. That’s not the problem.
17. “The bible says women should have children.”
The bible says a lot of things that people don’t do so why are women expected to follow this rule? Instead of getting into a religious debate over this one, it would be a much better idea to walk away and stop talking. You can’t win an argument with a stupid person.
18. “Being a mother is a woman’s purpose.”
This comment would make any woman mad. At one point in time it may have been acceptable to say something like this, but not anymore. Women can be anything they want. If they want to be a mother that’s fine. If not, they may have another purpose. Telling someone this with fertility issues can cause significant guilt and frustration.
19. “Your body was biologically made for this.”
The truth is, not every woman’s body is made for having babies. Sme women struggle to get pregnant, some have a hard time carrying a baby to full term, and some deal with issues during delivery. Women who are already having problems conceiving don’t want to hear that their bodies are failures.
20. “What does your significant other think about that?”
Most people eventually come to an agreement or understanding about children. It’s not something they keep a secret from the other. In the end, it’s nobody else’s business but those two people. If you ask a question like this, be ready to be told off or get an angry reply.
21. “You don’t want to make your partner miss out on parenthood do you?”
Many people who want kids but don’t have them, already feel like they are doing something wrong or hurting their partner. They don’t need to be questioned or reminded about it. Sure. they feel that way, but it’s not something they want to talk about or get lectured on.
22. “Maybe if you’re around children more you’ll see what’s so great about having them.”
Most people don’t have kids because they don’t want them. There are a lot of reasons to choose not to have children. Some people want them but can’t conceive. They may enjoy being around kids but not feel prepared to raise them.
23. “Some people just aren’t meant to be parents, I guess.”
This one might be true, but it’s not okay to say. Most people know if they are or aren’t meant to be parents and that has a big effect on their choice to have children. Others who want children but can’t have them might feel like they are meant to be parents, but that doesn’t make it any easier for them to conceive.
You can’t predict the things that someone will regret, so why try. If they regret not having children, then that’s on them. It’s not okay to try to pressure someone into having kids just because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s a personal choice for people to make.
It’s a simple question that most people mean nothing by, but for someone who can’t have kids, it’s a tough one. If they answer no, the topic will never end and in fact, the person will likely ask even more personal questions.
26. What do you have against children?
Just because someone chooses not to have kids or can’t have them doesn’t mean they have anything against them. They just chose not to have any children of their own. They may be teachers or daycare workers and love the children that belong to their friends and family members, but do not want to become parents. They may even want kids very badly but can’t conceive.
27. It there a medical reason?
This question is the worst to ask someone. What if there is a medical issue or what if there isn’t? If a couple wants to share something like this, they will volunteer the information. Nobody should be asked questions about their health or reproductive issues. It’s rude and never okay.
28. Do you think life is easier without kids?
How would anyone without kids know the answer to this? Maybe it is or maybe not. It’s hard being a parent. It’s also hard being a working adult, being a college student, and just getting through life. It’s not fair to assume anyone’s life is easy because they don’t have children.
That’s an option that most people are aware of, and again, there are reasons not to adopt that are none of anyone else’s business. Maybe it’s due to finances or for personal reasons. They don’t have to share that information with anyone and shouldn’t be asked about it.
30. Don’t you want to have one to see if you like being a parent?
That’s not really how it works. What if they don’t want a child? They can’t send it back. Questions like this make it seem like a person hasn’t put any thought into parenting. They are confident in their feelings about being a parent and children. They shouldn’t be judged or questioned about it.
Please SHARE this with your friends and family.
It’s not a secret that parenting is tough but rewarding. Many people are great parents and love having children. Others don’t choose that path in life.
Many people either can’t have children or don’t want to have them. There is nothing wrong with that. It may be hard for some people to understand, but that doesn’t mean that anyone has the right to question it.
Still, many people who do not have children are constantly questioned about it. They have to explain themselves over and over again, and those who are living with infertility have to deal with the disappointment and guilt they feel every single time. It’s never easy to answer those questions.
Couples who do not have children don’t like these questions. Even though they may seem harmless to the person asking, they can be hurtful and come off as judgmental. Here are 30 questions that people without kids are tired of hearing.
