And over the last year and a half, kids spent more time than ever at home, meaning we were all cooped up with one another.
It certainly gave us some new insight into family dynamics!
Of course, most of the time it’s best to meet “challenges” with a sense of humor, if you can. And since Twitter is a place where plenty of parents go to vent, you can use it to feel less alone about your own parenting skills.
Here are 50 hilarious Tweets that show what’s really going on at home these days:
1. Parents: they get no respect
Oh, c’mon. It’s not like the 8-year-old has read the book.
Someday they’ll think it’s cool to have a parent who’s an author. Maybe.
Me: What’s wrong?
8-year-old: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.
Me: That’s no so bad. I write entire books.
8: Yeah, but this has to be good.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2020
2. Budding genius
My 5-year old is rebelling against zoom school by mouthing words instead of speaking so as to make her teacher think there’s something wrong with the unmuting function
— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) October 15, 2020
3. Guess you’re going to have to find someone who cares
Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 17, 2020
4. Well, we do have a lot of teeth
Me: Did you brush your teeth?
4-year-old: Yes.
Me: All of them?
4: *stomps back into the bathroom*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2020
5. Monkey see, monkey do
My dad has been doing a huge amount of childcare for us in quarantine so I’m delighted to announce my 1-year old baby gestures and shrugs like a 64-year old Jewish man.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 4, 2020
6. Too late, I’m afraid
Me *minding my own damn business*:
4: Don’t be afraid Mommy.
Me: Of what??
4: It’s fine. Don’t be afraid.
Me: 😳
WTF is that supposed to mean???
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) October 23, 2020
7. We need new insults
My sons started calling each other pudgy and skinny and I told them no body shaming, so now they’re calling each other idiots which I’m totally cool with.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 1, 2020
8. That word does not mean what you think it means
Me: may I have some privacy please
2: yes *closes bathroom door with him inside*
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) October 21, 2020
9. Silence really is golden
If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.
— bacon popsicle 👴 (@Gupton68) October 18, 2020
10. The good old days
Me: get off that Xbox, it’s too violent
Son: what can we play instead?
Me: come sit down. this is hangman, an educational, family-friendly game where you get executed if you’re dumb
— The Dad (@thedad) October 18, 2020
11. Parenting level: Master
3 unravelled an entire toilet roll when I wasn’t looking so I wrapped him in it, stood him in the corner of the bathroom and told him to spin round slowly when someone needs to use it
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 20, 2020
12. The greatest compliment
10-year-old: How do you spell announcements?
Me: Why didn’t you Google it?
10: You’re like Google without the typing.
I’ve never been so flattered in my life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2020
13. No one wins the game of parenting
Buy your toddler clothes with lots of snaps and buttons if you’ve ever thought it would be cool to do a puzzle that tries to kick you and run away while you solve it
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) October 20, 2020
14. Too observant
Me: Do you like my haircut?
8-year-old: Not really.
Me: What’s wrong with it?
8: You missed the ones in your nose.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2020
15. Exceeding expectations
You think you know what “loud” is and then your 4yo gets on a Zoom call with 15 other preschoolers.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 14, 2020
16. Challenge accepted
What I say: “don’t do that it’s dangerous”
What my toddler hears: “prove to me you’re not a coward”
— The Dad (@thedad) October 2, 2020
17. Career planning
watching annie with the kids and now they want me to put them in an orphanage so a wealthy person can adopt them
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 17, 2020
18. When the punishment punishes the innocent
my wife just grounded all kids from electronics and tv for 4 days and if you need me i’ll be living anywhere else but here.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2020
19. Takes one to know one
The downside of being sarcastic parents is you get sarcastic kids
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 13, 2020
20. Nothing is fun
8-year-old: I’m bored.
Me: You’re supposed to be doing your school work.
8: That will only make it worse.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2020
21. The circle of life
6-year-old: I know the life cycle of a turtle.
Me: What’s the first stage?
6: Eggs.
Me: What’s the last stage?
6: Ninjas.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2020
22. Say goodbye to being on time
What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.
What the child hears: Get undressed. Start finger painting. Lose at least one shoe.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 10, 2020
23. It’s like looking in a mirror
I just yelled “WAKE UP,” to which my 4 year old responded “WHYDONTYOUPUTONALITTLEMAKEUP,” so no one question my parenting ever again.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 15, 2020
24. Just say no
5: close your eyes and open your mouth
me: that’s a hard pass.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 20, 2020
25. Add it to the morning to-do list
When you grab your toddlers blanket out of the dryer make sure to check that your panties aren’t stuck to it before your toddler goes into school. I know this now.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 27, 2020
26. Rules were made to be broken
how to correctly parent:
1. dont give your kids iPads
2. dont feed them junk food
3. dont yell
4. give them iPads
5. feed them mcdonalds and ice cream
6. cry from frustrationforget rules and do the best you can, because sanity.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 13, 2020
27. Real fear
my kid is running around behind me screaming, “BOO! Did I scare you?”
kid, if you want to scare me go somewhere else in the house and be quiet for ten minutes. i’ll be terrified
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 26, 2020
28. Kids have the best excuses
My 5yo not wanting to brush her hair because her “hair is tired” is on another level of excuse that I think we can all learn from.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 3, 2020
29. The bar is low for good behavior these days
I’m not trying to brag or anything but my kids only made gagging noises like 3 times during dinner.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) October 14, 2020
30. It’s like they’re planning ahead…
Me: Where’s your coat?
6-year-old: Lost.
Me: You can’t go to school without it.
6:
Checkmate.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2020
31. Fashion statements
The weather is turning so I’ve swapped out my daughter’s summer outfits for cooler-weather clothes and my son’s shorts for his other shorts.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 6, 2020
32. COVID conundrums
Dear parents, Here is another oddly named website your child needs to log into or else they will fail at life. I will send you a one-time code that will only work for 37 seconds and you can email me between noon and 12:15 yesterday if you need help. Thx for your partnership!
— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) October 20, 2020
33. When life skills backfire
Raising kids to have a sense of humor and be friends is all fine until they start teaming up to make fun of you
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) October 20, 2020
34. We’re all in this together
The speed at which our baby goes from smiling to scream crying is something I actually really relate to in 2020.
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) October 6, 2020
35. Spookytime
Me: …and then you were born, and we never slept past 6:00 a.m. again
Kids: that wasn’t a scary story!
Wife: maybe not to you
— The Dad (@thedad) October 25, 2020
36. Linguistic adventures
i had to try and explain why china is a country and also means fancy plates to my kid and now i’m sitting here mad at an entire language
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 8, 2020
37. Kids tell you only as much as you need to know
4-year-old: Can I have scissors?
Me: For what?
4: Not cutting my hair.
Sounds legit.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 27, 2020
38. Little snoring angels
I love my kids, but I love them a little more when they are sleeping.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) October 20, 2020
39. The one good thing about Zoom school
Ok so I’m jealous that teachers have the power to mute my kids
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 7, 2020
40. Like mother, like daughter
Yesterday I asked 3 how pre school was and she told me she didn’t like Karina because Karina cries really loudly so I said maybe Karina’s sad and 3 should be kind to her but at pick up today I heard Karina crying really loudly and now I don’t like her either
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 7, 2020
41. Somewhere, in Opposite Land, far far away…
Can you imagine taking your kids somewhere fun and no one complains and everyone has a good time and then you come home and they say “thank you” and you don’t even threaten to cancel all fun until the end of time?
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 16, 2020
42. Stay tuned for this important announcement
I left the front door open while I put stuff in the car and 3 came to the door and yelled THERES A HUGE POOP IN THE TOILET AND I THINK ITS YOURS MUMMY and that’s why we have to move
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 27, 2020
43. Aren’t the holidays magical?
Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 6, 2020
44. Inexplicable injuries
I got a call from the school nurse about my 6-year-old.
I thought for sure it was going to be covid.
Instead, my kid had accidentally poked herself in the eye with the corner of a book.
Words hurt.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2020
45. Making memories
I’ve started reading my children Roald Dahl’s Matilda, and there’s nothing like sharing one of the most pivotal stories of your formative years as your kids screech about how boring it is.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 11, 2020
46. Pain and suffering
My twins’ pre school taught them both how to sing Baby Shark in French so I’m just checking do I sue for double the amount or…
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 20, 2020
47. Something like that
Had to explain to my toddler why his 13yo cousin has changed lately, now when he sees someone upset or crying he goes “puberty?”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 27, 2020
48. You can’t take them anywhere
We went out to a restaurant today and my 3yo had two questions for our server:
1) why are you a boy (she wasn’t)
2) how come you work here but you’re a kid (she was short)
Needles to say we left a very generous tip
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 25, 2020
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