Parenting is not just hard, but it’s also hilarious a lot of the time! It comes with the territory of raising a brand new human being. They say and do the weirdest stuff, and they can completely stun you sometimes! Where did they even pick this or that up from!? Well, it turns out a lot of parents like sharing their funny stories on the internet! So we’ve gathered, for your enjoyment, fifty of the most hilarious parenting tweets around! Enjoy!
1) Trace your steps
There are few things on this earth as sassy or blunt as a 4-year-old. And honestly, how do you even respond to this? “What about after that?” No, because they’ll say the last place they saw the shoes was their feet. Children are kind of like genies, they take everything a little too literally.
2) Save me
For a six-year-old the only thing you should ever really be worried about is a duck falling off of your roof. Apparently. How this exact event came to exist in this tiny human’s brain is unclear, but something tells me they probably haven’t seen it in real life. If they have, I have to wonder why mom has not ALSO seen this happen?
3) Customized
I identify with this tweet. I would be a terrible homeschool teacher! I want to teach kids less than kids want to be taught, seriously! It would devolve into debates about Firefly and Batman within mere moments. Do I even have to say Adam West? C’mon.
4) Stop, kid.
On top of the hilarious moments there are plenty of moments like these. Unintentionally hurtful comments that come from a cruel innocence! Luckily, it seems like That Mom Tho was able to take it for what it was and laugh at herself a little bit! This job really does require a good sense of humor!
5) Nope out
Quick bullet dodge for you! I would be wildly unprepared for a conversation like this with a four-year-old at a moment’s notice. That Mom Tho had the wisdom to at least let the question play itself out a bit before answering in a way that could potentially open up more and more questions.
6) A good look
Nothing like your daughter running around singing about how high you are! All the other parents and teachers that hear it must love that! At least when they’re that young it’s easy enough to write it off as a song about height… When really…
7) Zoom class
I don’t know what they’re teaching in these virtual schools either. But something tells me your nine-year-old was probably googling random key words or something instead of attending class. I can’t imagine that Turkish bathhouses aren’t in the curriculum for the third grade…
8) What more do you need?
I mean, that’s pretty much all it takes, right? A neck, two eyes, hair, fingers, two arms, two legs, they’re practically twins! This kid is honestly just operating at a higher level and to her, all humans look pretty much the exact same. Her grand mind can’t be caught up on trivial matters like “hair colour” or “facial features” or “real person vs. animation!”
9) Here I come to save the day
This is absolutely incredible, what a hilarious kid! It’s not just mom that needs help sometimes, sometimes it’s also singers on the radio! I love that this little boy has no idea what he’s even running to help for, he just heard the phrase and sprang into action! You might have a super hero in the making on your hands, dad!
10) Identity theft
Now that’s a smart kid! Fight the system little one, you never know what they’re playing at! I mean, it’s a pretty safe bet that your adult teacher is probably NOT trying to pass themself off as a 4’2″ grade schooler. But just in case, it’s better to be safe than sorry!
11) They know things
Well yeah, you can be as sure as you want that magic isn’t real but the moment your child turns out to be the first wizard in 10,000 years and accidentally turns their favourite teddy bear into a giant ferocious animal, you’re going to feel kinda silly, aren’t you?
12) Height hazard
Kids like being up high and for some reason sleeping up high, who knows why? It’s funny that they seem to be totally fine climbing up a tall ladder themselves, the little spider monkeys that they are, but adults have a bit of a tougher time. Maybe we’re just over ladders and heights at this point? Or maybe the ladders just aren’t mom sized.
13) Chagrin
No one can prepare you for just how much disdain a tween will have for you. Chalk it up to new, chaotic hormones running wild! But seriously, it’s shocking just how sassy and mean tweens and teens can be! If you’re too nice, you’re embarassing and they hate you. If you’re stern or strict then you’re literally the worst person to have ever existed. There is no winning!
14) Mom gut
Pshhhhhh, what? Mommy? A liar? Never! Mommies just get special powers when they have babies that make eating cookie dough totally fine, stop questioning it. It seems like your second kid is on to your scheme, mom! You better watch for that one!
15) Favorites
This might seem like no big deal, but imagine trying to get ahead of the game and buying your kid a birthday present with a month to spare! You got them a yellow backpack and then suddenly you find out that not only is purple their new favorite color, but yellow is somehow down at the bottom of the list!? It’s back to the mall for you, time to exchange that gift and rewrap it!
16) Who needs it
I’m not going to lie, I’m in total agreement with Rhyming Mama on this one. A zoom social hour between friends already sounds pretty bad, let alone for a PTA meeting. The kids already have to deal with this stuff, plenty of parents are working from home via zoom, please don’t force anymore of that on them!
17) Needs practice
We all need to start somewhere, MIB! I can’t imagine that your child has too many fans yet, but I like that he’s set the bar high! He’s preparing for a full career in the harmonica business, tutorials and all! Who knows, maybe the next generation will rediscover a love for harmonicas and make them all dubsteppy!
18) Fragile
“Let’s order another <insert name of cheap plastic toy here> now!” No no, my sweet summer child. Everyone gets one. After that, it’s on you, sorry! You want another plastic sword? Save up that toothfairy money, sweetheart!
19) Feel the pattern
This is a kind of weird phenomenon that isn’t entirely too uncommon! It’s almost like a physical synesthesia, where you can see colors when you hear music! A lot of people can “feel” the pattern on their clothes even if it’s not tactile! It raises the question of if she could somehoe feel them if she didn’t know they were there…
20) Compromise
Yeah this sounds about right. I can almost guarantee there were a lot of tears on both sides of the haircut. Crying before since mommy wouldn’t let her cut the doll’s hair, and then more crying after since the doll’s hair doesn’t grow back and she wishes mommy would have stopped her!
21) Photorealistic
Chrissy Teigen is full of these hilarious tweets! She’s seriously on comedic fire! And yes, she is 100% correct about these masks. They’re bad enough that I have absolutely no idea which princesses they are supposed to be… They’ll be good for halloweeen at least! One way or another…
22) Different priorities
At least they asked first! This really does illustrate the four-year-old mind perfectly. They are completely unconcerned with what you’re saying to them and they’re very much living in their own world! And right now, they’re just extremely curious what someone else’s eye feels like!
23) A long tale
This is such an obvious oscar grab… Seriously, I bet the story is incredibly riveting, and the climax when you find out what the favorite color is must be some of the best story telling in ages! I have to wonder how they packed so much information into a short three hours!
24) It’s in the name
Listen man, I know not a whole lot makes sense when you’re three years old, but this one was looking you right in the face! If you wanted something that tasted like chocolate, it probably would have been worth asking for chocolate muffins! These are hard lessons to learn, I know, but they’re important.
25) The truth
That’s easy! They eat rainbows! Wait, no… They are rainbows? Maybe their horn is a rainbow? Okay, then they must eat stars! Wait no, that’s pretty dark and kind of impossible… They eat… Bad guys? Oh man, still pretty dark… This is harder than I thought, sorry mama.
26) Snoozes
Sleep is for the weak! And for people without kids! Sleep is probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and yet parents, people with one of the hardest jobs on the planet, are not afforded a WINK of sleep for years! What a strange, natural paradox this is.
27) You’re doing great!
Ramblin’ mama nailed it. It’s honestly pretty similar to what we saw happening with essential workers at the start of the pandemic! People who are struggling or worn down don’t really care too much about praise! It can only go so far. If we want to show how much we appreciate them then we kind of need to actually help them! Much like employers raising the wages of their workers perhaps?
28) It comes out
We learn a lot about ourselves when we become parents, and learning that you actually hate little kids is definitely on the table. You might be able to take them in small doses but after a few years with them, you might be VERY happy they’re suddenly moody teenagers instead.
29) Bullies
As a parent sometimes you have to treat yourself, and sometimes that treat might just be shotgunning three sleeves of oreos in an evening. Similarly as a parent, sometimes you have to take a bullet and self sacrifice somewhat for your partner in crime. This was one of those times for dear old dad.
30) Coattails
You get worn down quick, okay? Three years is all anyone can ask from a parent. No one can porperly prepare you for just how tired and confused you are going to be all the time! I love that she fully understands that she’s exhausted and just isn’t ashamed of it, it makes for a hilarious moment.
31) Say it again
It doesn’t matter how many times you say it, this is a lesson that they have to learn for themselves. And honestly this might happen… more than a few times. But eventually it will set in that prepping the night before is the best way to get a jump on the morning!
32) Driver’s ed
Oh yeah, you thought learning to drive was bad? Well you’re about to be more like your parents than you’ll ever be comfortable with! Prepare for all the gasps, screams, handle grabs and yelling that you got as a kid except this time… You’re the one delivering!
33) CEO to be
Honestly kid that’s a power move and you don’t even know it yet. You have exactly what it takes to be a CEO! Don’t know anyone’s name, don’t ask. Don’t want to be in the meeting? End it! End it in the sassiest way possible! Everyone will be too stunned to say no!
34) Back in my day…
How are more people not cashing in on this fact? You could blow some kids’ minds! Tell them you were born last millenium! Tell them you were born before the iPhone, Facebook or the internet as a whole! Seriously, they have no concept of when things happened so you have more fun facts at your disposal than you know!
35) Don’t open early
Your kids might not understand why this makes you so mad but they’ll understand one day when they look in their cupboard to find 2 half eaten peanut butters. Now you’re just wasting space! Don’t even get me started on food with a limited life span!
36) Bra friends
Wow, this is… A weirdly accurate analogy! I can tell a lot of thought went into this and it’s paid off! Rhyming Mama absolutely nailed it with this one, and it’s super funny to boot! Get yourself some nursing bra friends!
37) *visible confusion*
Oh man, if that ain’t life with a toddler then I don’t know what is. Smart enough to want to communicate but not smart enough to know how to properly. Maybe she wants bananas, but doesn’t want the one with brown spots on it, and she has no idea how exactly to say that!
38) The real heroes
I couldn’t agree more, Ms. Cottrell. Society might argue that your award for childbirth is your child but… Let’s be real. That prize kind of sucks. What about money, food or a sound proof sleep chamber? I can think of a thousand prizes better than a tiny meat machine built for poops and pukes!
39) Efficiency
Who could even be mad at an excuse like this? Like, it’s completely believable and there isn’t much control that goes into that. If you take the fork away, that soup isn’t getting eaten at all, and that is a fate worse than death. The pure reckoning a three-year-old can rain down on you is… unfathomable.
40) Always lie.
Oh man, how patience for this can you possibly have? “Okay watch.” Thud. “No wait.” Thud. “Wait.” Thud. “One more time.” Thud. “One more time.” Thud. “One more time.” Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. I give myself thirty seconds before I implode and transcend this plane.
41) ZING!
Oh man, expert delivery. I love this so much. Now that we’re bringing gender equality into it, this is the way to deliver horrifying statistics that everyone should already know! With fantastic humor! Honestly it’s a really good way to get people to listen, pay attention, and really absorb the information. I bet you’ll know that women make 72 cents for every dollar a man makes for a while now!
42) Slow cooker
Nothing wrong with this! I mean, it’s definitely hilarious, but at the same time you should know there’s nothing wrong with this! If the end of your day feels like you’re barely making it, then you’re doing it right. And you must keep going! It will start to suck less, eventually.
43) Mixed signals
OUCH! Yeah, I can feel that one from here. Kids sometimes know exactly how to hurt us best. And sometimes they have no idea they’re doing it which… Is somehow even worse. Sorry Mommy Owl, sounds like Baby Owl has it out for you. Maybe try giving her cookies.
44) Free will
This is how you spot a stay at home mom and a working dad from a mile away! If dad thinks it’s possible to get his kids to listen to him (especially on the first try) and mom straight laughs in his face? Yeah, that dad hasn’t spent enough time with his kids to know why that’s so funny! Chances are pretty good he’s slowly figuring out just how hard his wife’s job is!
45) Stylin’!
Okay but this is actually incredible, look at that confidence! Your kid has more style than most of the United States! You might not want your kid to dress themself but there are some things you just can’t avoid. At the very least this will make for an incredible story when she’s older!
46) Amateurs vs. professionals
Nailed it, Jessie. You hide the good snacks away and then share the O.K. snacks with the kids so that they think you’re super generous and not hiding anything. Now, the best parents? They share snacks like dark chocolate with pomegranates or black licorice or something like that so your kids think you have no taste in snacks. Then you can call anything a mommy or daddy snack and they will immediately lose interest.
47) Good ideas can’t go to waste!
I think this is going to be a wildly popular costume this year, but I’m really sad I didn’t think of it. Any chance I can get to put on Mandalorian gear I will BE THERE. I respect the dedication to the craft, dad! Better hope your baby Yoda has no force powers hidden away…
48) SLICE!
Wow these kids are straight up MEAN! Do you know how hard cooking is sometimes, kid!? Do you want to try being a parent and cooking at the same time? It’s going to be like trying to put out four different fires in four completely different directions. If that sounds like fun to you then you’re lying.
49) Hold your breath
I like to pepper in some “you’re okay!”s in there to really try and sway them in the right direction. But that look tells all… When they look up at you with that stunned expression and their eyes start to well with tears… Usain Bolt isn’t fast enough to tell everyone to pop in those ear plugs in time.
50) Procrastination
Me and this guy are kindred spirits. I’m at my most efficient, most helpful, most productive when I have to do something I really don’t want to do. It’s a curse, but it can be a blessing if you know how to use it! It seems like he’s already figuring it out a bit because he’s using it to keep mum happy! Genius!
How hard did you relate with these tweets? They’re like little snapshots of hilarious moments that you never had your camera out for! But a lot of parents know these exact feelings described in the tweets. They pretty well prove that if you don’t have a sense of humor, you won’t survive parenting. It’s just too ridiculous not to laugh at so much of it! Parenting is just so weird!
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