For a mom, it is not an easy thing to bear a child for nine months.
There are so many sacrifices, and those don’t just end after giving birth.
Honestly, kids can change your world upside down and take you on a rollercoaster ride. You get to encounter a mix of emotions. You may feel exhausted and frustrated at times because it is not a walk in the park taking care of these little humans.
But hey! They don’t remain young forever. So just savor each moment with them. They can make you mad with their misbehavior and naughtiness. You often have arguments where you always lose. Kids also make you laugh effortlessly with their funny gestures, silly behavior, and sense of humor.
Parents with toddlers, preschoolers, or preteens, can surely relate to these struggles. Here are 65 hilarious realizations in parenting.
1. The why
And you also wonder why it takes too long for them to get it done.
Preteen: mom whyyyyyy do I have to take a shower
Also preteen: *takes 45 minute shower*
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) February 17, 2020
2. Homework
If you don’t motivate them to get it done, you’ll end up answering it on your own.
It is understandable though for a seven-year-old who finds playing more fun.
7-year-old: I'm done with homework.
Me: You did it?
7: That's not what I said.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2020
3. Affirmation
If you don’t, you won’t have peace.
80% of parenting is replying to your kids “wow, that’s cool” without even looking.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 9, 2020
4. Honesty
But, they are also quite direct in saying what they really mean.
Never did I think I would be a sucker for compliments. Until this morning when my toddler told me my bed head hair looked “beautiful, like noodles.”
— lightning with the mombun hair (@kenzie_tarts) February 4, 2020
5. Eagle eye
But they have an eagle’s eyesight, their power of detection is intensely activated when they see things they abhor, even from a distance.
My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020
6. Argument
You will never win against them if you disagree, despite giving the best explanation.
My 9-yr-old daughter is literally never right and yet I've literally never won an argument with her
— Jonesy the Magical Cheese Wizard (@VikingJonesy) February 17, 2020
7. Picky eaters
When planning your meals for the day, make sure you have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C.
We've reached that part of the day where my kids ask what's for dinner & then tell me they don't want that for dinner.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 13, 2020
8. Quiet mornings
With the kids around, just daydream for now.
So nice to be the first one awake and enjoy a quiet cup of never mind, they’re up and we are already watching Puppy Dog Pals.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 1, 2020
9. Strategy
If only you can freeze time to avoid being late, that would somehow help. Would it?
Parenting hack: start telling your kids to find their shoes 3 hours before you have to leave so you’re definitely still late because hahaha there are no hacks you idiot
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) September 3, 2019
10. Liking what you dislike
Unless you want to suffer a headache from reading a book you don’t like, then you better let them choose.
Take note, you won’t be reading the book just once.
PRO TIP: never read your kids a book you dislike, because it will inevitably be their favorite
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 4, 2020
11. Sleep deprivation
You rarely complete 8 hours of sleep each night.
And when you have an infant, you barely sleep at all.
I finally slept for 8 hours.
Not in a row.
That's a cumulative total taken over the past 3 years.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 3, 2020
12. Too much drama
Watching how they exaggeratedly react to things can make you dizzy.
3 year old threw herself across her dad’s lap. Her face was covered in peanut butter and she kept yelling “I WANNA COLOR.” Then she cried. Then she wanted a hug. Then she took off her shirt and yelled about how hot it was.
Who needs drunken nights out when you’ve got toddlers?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) February 5, 2020
13. You got it right
You now find it romantic when your husband ticks a task from your to-do list, especially the ones that involve the kids.
Me: do that thing I like
Him: *takes kids to school so I can stay in my pjs for a few more hours*
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 12, 2020
14. A love so complicated
But, it doesn’t mean that you have to be with them 24/7.
Any mommy would be happy to have an hour alone for herself, to breathe and recharge.
Parents are equal parts "My kids give me life" and "I just need everyone to leave me the hell alone."
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) October 12, 2019
15. No breakfast
Just think of intermittent fasting.
It helps make you fit and healthy.
I never realized I'd need a strict "no breakfast before the sun comes up" policy, but here we are.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 21, 2020
16. Politely decline
Dirty or not, they touch anything.
Though a very delicious-looking food offering can be tempting, it is better to be safe than sorry.
Thanksgiving Pro Tip:
Never eat any food offered to you by an adorable toddler relative. It might look like a cookie, or piece of candy, but it’s actually the flu.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 22, 2017
17. Catching up with friends
If you insist to squeeze it into your schedule, plan it months in advance.
My friend just asked when I won’t be busy with the kids so we could meet for lunch, so I gave her a 10 minute window on a Tuesday 5 years from now.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) February 4, 2020
18. I’m safe
And when your heart skipped a beat after hearing a loud crash, they’re quick to answer that nothing happened.
It means, “Don’t worry mom, I’m safe! But your things are not.”
*Loud crash from another room*
Toddler: NOTHING!!
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 13, 2019
19. Commands
All you do is give out commands for your kids to do what they should.
Parenting is basically just punctuating every conversation with various commands:
“Yes, I like your picture. Put on your shoes.”
“My favorite color is yellow. Finish your breakfast.”
“No, fish don’t snore. Go brush your teeth.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 1, 2020
20. Genius
You’ll be surprised at how they become so creative with things.
My 9-year-old daughter has taken an old lip balm tube and filled it with cheese so she can eat it in class. pic.twitter.com/YEAqZx2wnr
— Valerie Schremp Hahn 📰 (@valeriehahn) September 17, 2019
21. Simple happiness
They are not aware of the cost of the things you buy for them, and the time and effort you’ve invested in getting those.
Me: *spends time picking out stuffed animals I think my daughter will love and get attached to*
My daughter: *sleeps with and carries around a lemon*
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 13, 2019
22. Dilemma
It usually happens when you’re already on the bed and ready to close your eyes.
Will you go upstairs to check on them?
50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 13, 2019
23. White lies
It’s hard to lie but sometimes, it’s the easier way to end a discussion.
Me: I try really hard to not lie to my kids
Also me: We can’t go to Disney world it’s locked
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 15, 2019
24. School break
For them, it is quite a tough job to wake up early, get ready for school, study, and answer the books at home.
You cannot blame them for wanting to take a break too.
My 3rd grader told his teacher he was gonna be out of town for a few days and I told her I don’t know what he’s talking about and he will be in school tomorrow😂
— Reagan Gomez (@ReaganGomez) February 12, 2020
25. Mom on mute
Though you’ve made your voice louder to make sure they respond right away, they just don’t.
It’s a mystery how they easily hear the sound as soft as a whisper, especially when you’re opening their candy.
Me: *calls child’s name*
…
Me: *calls child’s name*
…
Me: *opens candy wrapper*
Child: THAT BETTER NOT BE MY HALLOWEEN CANDY!!
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 6, 2019
28. Anxiety
Pouring milk can be an easy task, but not for kids.
However, the time comes when you have to let them do it on their own so they will learn.
I didn’t think I had anxiety, but then I watched my daughter try to pour her own glass of milk.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 23, 2019
27. Superpower
The kids expect you to be very knowledgeable at answering all the questions they have, of bugs, dinosaurs, et cetera.
Most of all, you need to be one who can survive a no-sleep-life.
Parenting is easy as long as you:
– can name every species of bug
– pull snacks out of thin air
– crave ill-informed feedback
– always bring the 'right' toy
– despise sleep— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 18, 2019
28. On repeat
And oh, you are expected to be all eyes and ears on the show.
Only have kids if you REALLY want to watch someone do a spin 10,000 times.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) November 7, 2019
29. The cry language
But, it is up to you to decipher the reason for their whining.
Welcome to parenting, your choices are:
A) Listen to your toddler scream and cry for 10 minutes because YOU opened their fruit snack.
B) Listen to your toddler scream and cry for 10 minutes because THEY don't know how to open their fruit snack.
— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) February 12, 2020
30. Consistency
Well, better keep an eye on them until they’re more responsible in keeping themselves clean.
You think you’ve doing an okay job as a parent, and then you learn your 8 year-old has only been pretending to brush his teeth for two months.
— Just J (@junejuly12) February 4, 2020
31. Smarty-pants
Most of all, they easily copy the adults.
So when you ask them about a certain behavior, they’d often use adults as their reference.
Me: Why aren’t you smiling in your school pictures?
Child: Because I’m at school.
Me: So?
Child: Can I see your work ID?
Me: ok never mind I get it
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 30, 2019
32. Being awarded
However, when you try to disagree and you keep saying no to their wants, you’d be awarded as the Worst Mommy Ever.
My 3 year old just told me I’m the Best Mommy Ever. I’m super excited to put that next to the Worst Mommy Ever trophy she awarded me last night.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 23, 2019
33. Bittersweet
You’ll never know what you’re going to get for the day as it greatly depends on their mood.
But, be warned when they are extra playful.
Having toddlers is cool because you never know how you're going to be woken up.
Gentle kiss on the cheek?
Cannonball to the uterus?
Getting your face licked?
Sweet "good morning Mama"?
Head butt angry dinosaur style?The possibilities are endless.
And usually painful.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 22, 2020
34. Teamwork
But, a spouse who uses a strategy that will make you suffer later can leave you feeling betrayed.
When the kids are loving what you don’t, you have to live it.
While I was out my husband introduced the kids to Teletubbies and I just don't understand how he could do this to me.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) October 2, 2019
35. Some privacy
After having kids, you will rarely have a me-time, even if you need to pee.
There are few things more satisfying than when I lock the bathroom door and then hear my kids unsuccessfully twist the knob trying to barge in like, “Not this time, suckas. Not this time.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 18, 2019
36. Fun for everyone
When you plan to spend quality time with the kids, expect exhaustion.
The biggest marketing lie to parents is “fun for the whole family.”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 13, 2019
37. Pieces to collect
If they see something lacking in the house, they will start their own collection of leaves for example.
The 4yo has started a leaf collection bc that’s exactly what this house needed.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 23, 2019
38. Toys everywhere
And after a minute, you’ll find the kids’ mess in places you never expect them to be.
Be prepared to find a scooter in the bathroom.
Parenting has resulted in a lot more scooters parked in my bathroom than anticipated pic.twitter.com/Hlo7VS4txG
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) March 1, 2020
39. Proper labels
It is very common for dads out there to be confused which exactly is the front in a diaper.
Yes! It will definitely help them if the sides are properly labeled.
Five years into parenting, and I still don’t get why no diaper company makes diapers that say nothing but FRONT on one side and BACK on the other in big letters. Help a dad out, people.
— Matthew Miller (@matthewamiller) March 1, 2020
40. Favorites
Well, their tastes also vary.
One day they will tick one out from the list.
What do you mean you no longer like one of the five foods you actually eat: a parenting memoir
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 3, 2020
41. Confusion
They just say and ask so many things, and jump from one subject to another.
i was woefully unprepared for how many conversations with my toddler that ended with both of us being more confused than when we started
— nash flynn (@itsnashflynn) March 1, 2020
42. Not a trash
You’d have to explain why you threw it in the garbage.
*draws picture*
*spills juice on picture*
*crumbles picture*
*drops picture on floor*
*walks on top of picture*
*kicks picture across room*
*finds picture in garbage*
“WHY WOULD YOU THROW THIS AWAY, MOM?!?”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 5, 2019
43. Replay
Oh well, you can just watch with them with eyes half-closed if you can no longer bear it.
How many time's can a toddler watch Frozen II @DisneyFrozen in one weekend 🤯🤯 #sendhelp #Disney #Elsa
— Melissaaaaa (@SassyPantsMmk) March 1, 2020
44. Like a lady boss
Just don’t mind cleaning the purse with cheese and all the other places stained with it.
I'm not saying my daughter has life figured out but she's walking around with a purse full of cheese.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 17, 2020
45. Dream job
Ask them about what they want to be when they grow up and you’ll hear hilarious answers.
They’re too young to understand what job will really make them happy.
Me: do you know what you want to do when you’re a grown up?
Toddler: yep!
Me: what?
Toddler: I want to eat gumballs.
Me: but what do you want to do for a job?
Toddler: eat gumballs.
Me: I envy you.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 23, 2019
46. Where to sneeze
What can we do? They’re just kids!
3: *playing on floor*
Me:
3:
Me:
3:
Me:
3:
Me:
3:
Me:
3:
Me:
3:
Me:
3: *comes over to me, sneezes in my face, goes back to playing on floor*— MumInBits (@MumInBits) February 4, 2020
47. Panic
But when they are sick and are feeling a little discomfort, you’ll go into panic mode.
Sometimes being a parent is so wonderful, words can’t describe it. Then your kid gets the stomach flu and those feelings go away.
— John Higley (@higley) November 15, 2013
48. Purchases
But it scares you to say no to their wants, for fear that they might throw a tantrum.
My kids will ask me to buy them something in literally any store. Like I swear to god that if I walked into an auto parts store, we wouldn’t even get fully inside before they’d say, “Hey mom! Can we get spark plugs?”
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) February 4, 2020
49. The bad word
Though they really don’t understand yet which words are bad and what they mean, they just feel some excitement to use them just like adults do.
Child: Mommy said I’m allowed to say the C-word now.
Me: Uh. What C-word?
Child: The bad one.
Me:
Child:
Me: Mommy is letting you say-
Wife [running in from other room]: CRAP SHE MEANS CRAP— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 19, 2019
50. Bribery
But when you ask them to do something, you can readily make them fulfill it by giving them money.
Last night I heard a mom offer her son $100 to finish his sushi. At first I was like “that’s so LA and not to mention horrible parenting” but then that little shit ate that raw fish like it was a PB&J.
— Rhett McLaughlin | MUSIC: James and the Shame (@rhettmc) March 1, 2020
51. Authority
You say the same words but they just won’t stop.
Do you think it’s helpful if you record it?
https://twitter.com/VisionBored1/status/1234220830529327106
52. Frequent feeding
Some kids just eat anything you put in their mouths.
But, they get the habit of eating more frequently when they’re bigger.
All the baby books tell you that infants need to eat every 2 to 3 hours, but what they fail to mention is that this behavior continues until the child turns 18 and moves out of your house.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) May 29, 2019
53. Imagination
Their imagination can run wild, and who knows, it can be a masterpiece.
As someone without kids, I don’t get to see the hardship of parenthood, only the positives, like being able to proudly display a turkey holding a lightsaber pic.twitter.com/fbbYdwqjDm
— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) March 1, 2020
54. Alibi
It’s a common excuse to avoid doing what you’re asking them to.
My 3.5 year old’s newest excuse is “I can’t because my fingers are owie.” It gets him out of a lot of tasks. I’m thinking of adopting it into my own life for a while. #toddlerhood
— Mme Kathleen (she/her) (@MmeKathleen) March 1, 2020
55. Negotiation
To make them stop quickly, you need to have good negotiation skills.
It’s fun how parenthood is having a little cry in the bathroom then negotiating which stair is the highest the kid can jump from into a pile of laundry
— joy (@thisisjoyyyy) March 1, 2020
56. Break the tie
But when you’re both tired and you’ve accomplished your roles for the day equally, you need to break the tie.
Tossing a coin or playing rock, paper, scissors often helps with it.
My husband and I just shamelessly played a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine who’s turn it was to wipe our youngest kid after he pooped, and all I’m saying is, don’t knock this division of parenting labour strategy ‘til you’ve tried it.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) February 29, 2020
57. Subtle attack
It may often sound insulting, but they are just being honest.
My daughter just asked me if my boobs were ever round. In case you’re wondering about some of the ways motherhood crushes your soul.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) January 23, 2020
58. Co-conspirator
Simply pretend you are talking to them or busy helping them out and you can avoid entertaining guests you’re not happy to see.
Him: Why are you sitting in the bedroom?
Me: I’m talking with 9
Him: We have company. You’re both avoiding them
Me: No. I’m a mother spending time with her son
Him: (rolls eyes and leaves)
9: We’re totally avoiding them
Me: High five! Where did you hide the Doritos?
— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) March 1, 2020
59. A pro tip
Well, if you don’t want it to work, then it is certainly a great idea to put dead batteries in them instead.
Parenting hack: keep a few dead batteries handy for that one toy. You know the one.
"It's still not working? I don't know, kiddo, I just put batteries in it. Must be broken." 😙
— FeralTherapist (she/her) 🏳️🌈♣️🍍🐎🍄 (@IMomalogues) February 26, 2020
60. Full of energy
Well, kids surprisingly don’t need one.
It looks like their energy just keeps refilling even after an entire day of play.
How can kids just get up and start running around with no coffee or anything??? What kind of sorcery is that??
— Teej (@brwcrw4lyfe) March 1, 2020
61. Not the boss
You work for your kids, and it’s them that you try to please.
Being a mom has taught me that I'm not in control of my life at all. It's run by smaller, more evil versions of me.
— 💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪𝔸𝔽👑🍑𝔹𝕦𝕥ℂ𝕦𝕥𝕖💯 (@Crazy_ButCute2) February 27, 2020
62. Triumph
If that happens, you want to be in a loud cheer.
But, you can only celebrate your victory in silence.
Is it wrong to scream “You got owned” in your son’s face, after beating him at Hungry Hungry Hippos?
— ⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹ (@metickleu) March 1, 2020
63. Peaceful night
Yet, after having kids, you beg for them to sleep early so you can have the solitude to watch that documentary you’ve been wanting to finish.
One minute you’re young, cool, and dancing to live music every Friday night, and the next minute you’re begging your kids through gritted teeth to go back to bed so you can finish watching your documentary about avocados.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 22, 2020
64. Picky eater
When you put vegetables on their favorite dish, they’d be disappointed.
10yo: Why do you always ruin a delicious supper with vegetables?
— Lovely Potatoes (@robin_991) January 24, 2020
65. Giving a compliment
They say it nicely when they like what they are seeing but if not, they can be frank about it.
So do make sure that you look pretty in your makeup.
3 year old, leaning in suspiciously to glare at the makeup on my face: What’s going on? Why are you pretty?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) March 1, 2020
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