One of the biggest responsibilities of every parent is ensuring that your kids eat the right things to grow up happy and healthy, trying to control their intake of sweet treats and fatty snacks while making sure they eat enough fruits and veggies too.
But most kids don’t make it easy! They can be super picky eaters, randomly deciding that green potato chips are poisonous or broccoli comes from space. They really will come up with any crazy excuse to not eat something, and one mom named Heather decided to set up an Instagram account called “My Kid Can’t Eat This“.
Originally, Heather made the account to share stories of her own kids’ random refusals to eat certain foods, and then she started inviting other parents to share their stories too, reposting the funniest ones on the official page.
Some of the excuses these kids gave are simply ridiculous, others are utterly bizarre, and they’re all very funny, so we’ve gathered together 75 examples to share with you. Enjoy!
1) You’d Prefer To Eat Them Alive?
Because they’re dead.
2) Listen To Mama
Because after being told repeatedly that there are peanuts in the candy, it turns out that- *spoiler alert*- there are indeed peanuts on the candy.
3) So Sweet
It’s “too beautiful.” She’s crying actual tears of joy. She’s 4
4) A Boy Of Simple Tastes
Because he doesn’t like his food this fancy
5) A True Vegetarian
Grilled cheese sandwich because it has a “tail” and he doesn’t eat animals
6) Wrong Pancakes
Because he asked for regular pancakes not Mickey pancakes.
7) Save Them
Because “the ice cream is melting and the gummy bears are drowning.”
8) Bear Bodies
Because they don’t have heads. Side note: He bit all of the heads off
9) Sunscreen
Because apparently I put lotion all over the carrots
10) Broken Sandwich
Because “it’s broken ” .. Meaning that crease on the top right
11) Proved You Wrong!
Because after eating some of it I said “It looks like you like it.” He then decided he hated it.
12) Shells Belong In The Sea
Because shells go in the ocean. He was upset when I ate my portion
13) Bacon Shrimp
Bacon because it looks like shrimp and he doesn’t eat shrimp.
14) Agreed
Peanut butter and honey sandwich because the honey looks like a rabbit and she doesn’t want to wreck it. In her defense, it totally does.
15) So Old
Because it has wrinkles like Grandma Mimi so it’s old.”
16) That Backfired
Because “it’s too cute.
17) The Heart Wants What It Wants
Because her “heart wants Goldfish”
18) Too Yellow
Because it’s too yellow. Someone please get this child some turquoise corn.
19) Where’s The Logic?
Because there are too many spoons in the bowl. (You’ll never, EVER, guess who put them there.)
20) Bad Branding
Because it’s made out of “kitty cats.”
21) A Tricky Cookie
Because he discovered halfway through that it isn’t an Oreo. I never said it was an Oreo. He’s crying. There is a crowd forming. Send help.
22) Wings But Not Legs
Because I told him it was a leg… he doesn’t eat anyone’s legs. He only likes wings and parts you don’t name… but no legs
23) Painful To Look At
Because my son says there are too many colors and it hurts his eyes. My daughter carried the zucchini home from the farmers market like a baby, so she won’t dare eat it.
24) Mom Knows Best
Because daddy opened it. Makes sense. His man hands changed the flavor.
25) Too Much
Because it has too many colors. That’s fine I’ll take his slice and eat all the chemicals. I’m a giver like that.
26) Wait What?
Because she asked for cheese and crackers, not crackers and cheese.
27) Still Not Hungry?
Because she already ate at school. It’s Sunday
28) How Violent
Because it’s broken. I said “it’s not broken, you just made more chips” and he tried to hit me. Oh look it’s nap time
29) Can We Get A List?
Because she doesn’t eat triangles.
30) Jalapeno Grapes
Because the grapes are too spicy. SPICY
31) That Was You!
Because there are bites taken out of them. Bites she took.
32) Fair Enough
Because she farted on it and now it’s a fart muffin
33) Put Some Clothes On!
Because she doesn’t like “all the nipples.” Me: You mean, seeds?” Her: No, NIPPLES.”
34) Kids Are Weird
Because it’s broken. Fun Fact: He tore it up himself.
35) Never Trust A Lion
Because a lion touched it. In her defense, the lion does appear to be on something
36) Time To Grow Up
Because the hairs disgust him. He’s fifteen. Fif. Teen
37) Spot The Difference
She refused the yogurt I picked out for her (left) and insisted on picking out one herself (right).
38) Fancy Pizza
Because the pizza is cut in squares not triangles and square pizza is too fancy.
39) Creepy Crawlies
Because they scared the crap out of her
40) Optical Illusion
Because it looks like a booty
41) Elsa-O’s
Because if Honey Nut Cheerios taste like honey and Chocolate Cheerios taste like chocolate, this one must taste like the cast of Frozen and she doesn’t want to eat Elsa.
42) Pasta Feet
Because they look like feet and have toes at the end.
43) That’s Not Dirt
Because “it’s dirty.” On Earth we call this “seasoning.”
44) Wow
Because although he loves onion rings, recently learned they contain onions
45) Huh?
Because it’s exactly what she asked for. I’ll end up eating it standing over the trash like a beggar and she’ll ask for it two hours from now. When I tell her it’s gone she’ll cry like a Directioner upset about Zayn and I hate myself for even referencing that
46) They’re Not Cherries Anymore
Because by removing the cherry seeds, I turned them into olives
47) Poison Apple?
Because it “reminds me of Snow White.” I told her that if this apple really could make her sleep for several hours I would have cleaned the store out.
48) Where?
Because “it has seeds.”
49) Upside Down
She can’t eat these M&Ms because they have a “w” on them. She ate the ones with an “m.”
50) Gross
Because I refuse to cut it up and pour milk over it like cereal.
51) Animal Lover
Bat pasta – they cried because they couldn’t understand it wasn’t real bats
52) It Is Pretty Cute
Because it’s too cute. I actually had to freeze it so it could stay like this forever and he could visit it
53) Some Of Them Never Grow Up
Corn unless I cut it off the cob. He’s 27.
54) We Can Relate
Because she didn’t want a Nutella sandwich. She wants the entire jar of Nutella and a spoon
55) Never To Be Eaten
Because it’s broken. I can’t eat it because it’s his. So I guess we’re gonna have to put it in a raft, push it out to sea, and set it aflame using a flaming arrow Viking style. RIP Pringle. Enjoy Valhalla.
56) Just Like Humpty
Because they’re all “cracked open like humpty dumpty” and he “can’t eat things that are broken,” because they might “break him.” And “no one would be able to put him together again.”
57) Lil Diva
Because I’m making her share it with her brother and she “literally can’t even.” She’s five
58) Looks Good!
Because according to my 7 y/o, it’s a “big pot of nope.”
59) Get A Rat
After watching the movie “Ratatoulli” 658098764 times and asking me to make what they made 787628 times I spent hours scouring the internet for the exact same recipe from the movie and made it and now they can’t eat it because a rat didn’t make it
60) Too Blurry
Because they’re “blurry” (wavy).
61) Is He Part Bull?
Because “red is a scary color.”
62) Can’t Argue With That Logic
Because “it’s what monkeys eat and I’m not a monkey.”
63) It’s Not Beautiful Anymore
Because the icing cracked when he dropped it. He’s 17
64) Fix It!
Because she asked me to cut it in half and then decided that’s not what she wanted. “Back!” she says. Unfortunately for her, her mother is a muggle and her repair-o spell is useless. Unfortunately for her mother, she doesn’t think that’s any excuse. Side note – she is currently tearing her new, whole circle sandwich into lots of parts. I’m trying to remain calm.
65) Wrong Word
Because she wanted dinner. I called it supper. My bad
66) You’re Right!
Dumpling because, “ewww, it has toes..”
67) Priorities
Because I broke the carrots. HELLO, I MADE OLAF
68) Not Mint Condition
Because “it’s broken. Please direct your attention to the 1.5 millimeter offensive chip in the graham cracker at the top. This is now garbage.
69) Fair Point
Because “it looks like it needs a doctor.”
70) That’s Not Quite How It Works
Because she’s a vegetarian. She wants chicken nuggets instead
71) All That Effort…
I got a new toy and spent AGES cutting the boy’s lunch out. Eddie took one look, sighed, and said “You shouldn’t have done that.”
72) Watching Too Many Cartoons
Because “a mouse already had some.”
73) That’s Right
Because it’s cold and “tastes like you mixed a bunch of fruits together.” Um, I did
74) This Carrot Doesn’t Skip Leg Day
Fresh carrot from the garden because it has legs
75) You Don’t Have To Eat That Part
Because she doesn’t like the “orange thing” on the bottom. It’s her fork…
Do you have a little fussy eater at home? Have they ever come up with anything quite as crazy as some of these silly excuses for not eating food? If so, be sure to share your stories with the official Instagram page and follow it for more updates! Don’t forget to share the list around with other parents too.