Remember that feeling in junior high and high school when, no matter how hard you tried to fit in with the cool kids, you just didn’t?
It seemed that no matter what you wore, it was all wrong; no matter what you said, it was uncool; and no matter what you did, it was always “trying” too hard? No, you don’t know the feeling? Then you probably won’t relate to this article.
However, if you remember that inadequacy all too well, you’ll also know what it feels like, years later, to be a mom and still get “cool girl anxiety.”
Oh, it’s a thing.
If you’re the only mom who doesn’t show up religiously to PTA meetings because you have to work, if your kids are the only ones that wear polka dots and stripes to school because, well, you let them dress themselves, or if you drop your kids off in a minivan wearing faded jeans and a ponytail while the rest of the moms show up in sleek SUVs and Lululemon leggings with their hair all done, then, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not in the cool mom club.
Just like you knew it back in high school, it won’t take you long to figure out where you stand with the other moms at your kid’s school. They won’t tell you with their words, but their actions will speak volumes.
Joelle Wisler writes a letter to all the other un-cool moms of the world on Scary Mommy, and she totally hits the nail on the head with her sentiments.
“On the first morning of school,” she writes on Scary Mommy, “I noticed, with a bit of shock, that a lot of the moms already seemed to know each other. Everyone was hugging everyone else’s kids and it all looked very merry. My son and I stood watching shyly, overwhelmed by the sheer distance between us and them. The distance could be measured in hours of friendship and mojitos, and we figured out right away that somehow we were different. For instance, there are those who care about what they look like for school drop-off and there are those of us who…don’t.
I have tried a bit, although maybe not as hard as I could have because the whole situation seems a little too daunting. The cool girls have all been friends for years… I’m an outsider and it seems painfully obvious. On the days when I do get invited, I’m reminded that my history is not their shared history and it often feels more lonely than fun.”
Whatever your reason for not being welcomed into the cool mom club, though, don’t sweat it. Being a mom is HARD, and while it would be nice to simply fit in for once, the truth is that you weren’t meant to. Not back in high school, and not now.
And guess what? That is OKAY.
Wisler continues, “So to all of you other moms who feel like maybe you missed the boat on making it into the “cool mom” clique because you’ve been working, or you just moved to town, or you feel like you just might not care that much — I’m with you. I see you standing over there with your pajamas on and your dirty-faced child and the french fries falling out of your minivan. You’re my people. Let’s go eat some carbs.
For now, I will just embrace all of the wonderful friends I have made away from the school yard, and I’ll scroll quickly past the Facebook posts that show all of the cool girl parties and birthdays and #blessed events. We probably weren’t meant to be anyway. After all, I’m not sure I could keep with all that cuticle care.”
Chances are that you have a great circle of friends who love you for you, messy ponytail, minivan, and all. And those are the people that you want to surround yourself with. To those people, you’re probably as cool as (if not cooler than) those Lululemon moms.
For instance: letting your kids express themselves by dressing themselves? That’s pretty cool in my book, and you’re just the type of person I’d want to be friends with. Just saying (from one un-cool mom to another).
Read Joelle Wisler’s full letter here, then share it with all the other un-cool moms you know!
Source: ScaryMommy, Featured Image: babystepsandtears.com
