Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Social media seems to add pressure to parents who are already feeling the strain of not logging enough sleep, working long hours, making sure homework is done, kids are in various activities … and the list goes on.
Some parents focus on fixing organic, healthy meals while others are lucky to schlep together a PB&J for dinner. Parents with kids on sports tournament teams spend all weekend long at the field or in the gym and embarrassingly have the tallest grass in the yard on the block.
But one dad refuses to give in to the hype of looking fantastic on social media and instead tells it like it is. And parents everywhere are applauding his brutal honestly and getting a good laugh out of his many predicaments he shares online.
Simon Hooper, an author and father of four girls, has become a top dog on Instagram with his awesome photos and hilarious stories that reveal the truth behind parenting and some of the shenanigans that roll out at his home.
Bathtime isn’t always blissful at the Hooper house. Dinnertime can be insanely messy and unhealthy on occasion.
And don’t get started with bedtime. When his beloved Clemmie, a midwife, has to leave Simon on his own, he does a pretty darn fantastic job.
But there’s usually some mishap he’s willing to share while laughing at himself for all to see and comment on.
With nearly one million followers soaking up his responses to downfalls and applauding his successes, Simon presents himself as a “24-year-old man-child with no idea of what being a dad involved.”
“My whole account is to show a realistic view of what parenting is like from a parent’s perspective. There is way too much sugarcoating when it comes to parents, so I wanted to share what it’s really like and provide a bit of humor at the same time.”
He’ll forever be outnumbered by the females in his life and he’s one of the most staunch supporters of feminism and equality.
In one post, Simon shared that his older daughter had been participating in sex education at school. Since their mom is a midwife, they know more about this subject than the average kid and use the specific terms instead of nicknames.
So when she peppered her dad with questions, he wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.
“She’s chosen tonight when @mother_of_daughters is away to ask questions about men, which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but I promised to tell her the truth. My personal favorites – ‘Do you wear a condom daddy?’ Me – ‘Yes.’ Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. ‘Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?’ I laughed proudly – ‘Way more……like at least 9 or 10 times.’ I didn’t want to come across as a sex-crazed maniac).”
Simon’s sense of humor helps him cope with the situations he finds himself in. But not everyone finds him funny all of the time.
Clemmie asked him to pack the baby bag so he stuck the twins in her “prized leather bag” and presented his version of “pack the baby bag” to her.
“(I was) expecting a laugh. She didn’t. I then suggested cutting holes in the bottom for their legs to hang out like those dog carriers, but @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased … so with my tail between my legs, I repacked.”
When the twins were teething, he likened it to the sound a wounded animal would make as it was nearing the end. He described teething as a “mini-scene from Alien.”
He’s shared how he and his wife vowed to not match their twins but rather allow for their individuality to shine, especially with their outfits. But they insist on matching constantly.
Even more insulting is that his wife doesn’t trust him to dress the girls, he confessed.
“Instead of being given free rein to ‘get creative’ and use my couture fashion eye to create a ‘wow’ outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn’t count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, I can’t tell them apart for the rest of the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I’ll get it right one day!”
One time when Simon was hoping to get a decent professional photo taken for his book, Ottie decided she had other plans in mind for the photoshoot.
She wanted her daddy and he was busy, so the pint-sized powerhouse made it perfectly clear how unimpressed she was.
“No, this is not a background extra milking their scene in some low budget B movie horror film. It’s the moment when I was getting headshots taken for my book and Ottie decided she absolutely positively couldn’t give me a moment to myself — transforming my moment, very much into her moment. Clemmie scooped her up seconds later and I can laugh at this now but it does remind me just how hard it can be to achieve the simplest of tasks when a wailing child is within close proximity.”
Many parents have been thoroughly embarrassed by their tiny tot’s major meltdown in public. Simon is no different.
He was silently celebrating picking up all four of his darling daughters and popped into the store for an emergency run for diapers.
As everyone hopped out of the vehicle to head into their house and Simon trailing behind with his arms full of their purchases, Ottie decided to throw herself on the ground and refuse to budge.
She resisted moving for two full minutes during which time three people walked by and attempted to help him by encouraging her to hop up and head into the house.
“She proved to be tougher to shift than lipstick from a carpet (and that’s tough, believe me). I honestly couldn’t tell you why this all started, but it finished with her getting up, starring at me with death ray eyes that went straight through heart and walked off as if I was nothing had happened. I’ve been in meetings where I wished I’d employed this tactic. Oh to be two again.”
Bathtime can either be a blissful moment for kids to sweetly play in the tub while a parent takes a breather or it can be sheer torture. One night, the twins had devious intentions.
“I said ‘Please stop splashing! Mummy will kill me when I forget to tidy this up later.’ What they heard was ‘Please go ahead and start up a toddler induced wave machine the scale of which could be used to test war ships, soak the floor and then flail about like a confined depressed killer whale which will eventually eat its trainer.’ Turns out it’s fine though as the water has now drained through the cracks in the floor boards and has seeped through the ceiling downstairs. This only even happens when I’m in charge on my own. Coincidence?”
For a healthy dose of parenting reality and a good laugh, following Simon and his crazy adventures on Instagram. They’re hilarious and heartfelt and we can’t get enough of this parent who bares his soul and shares his blunders and triumphs with the whole world.
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