60+ Food Tweets By Parents Who’ve Reached Their Wit’s End

1. Fond memories

When dealing with food and kids, a lot of parents remember some of their quirks when they were a child. In this case, a mom had flashbacks to her breakfast days. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.

Have kids so you can listen to miniature versions of yourself cry because you cut up a pancake instead of leaving it big.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2017

2. That sounds about right

This parent has one picky kid. Throwing away perfectly good food is beyond frustrating. Finding ketchup on the family pet … that’s funny.

You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 12, 2014

3. Out of the mouth of babes

You have to love how innocent children are. They ask some hilarious questions. Dad on the other hand needs to get his mind out of the gutter.

[At dinner]
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it’s 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016

4. “My kid will do as I say”

Being a mom or dad requires you to learn and adapt as you go. Most people who haven’t yet become parents are firm in how they want to raise their children. Then everything changes the minute their baby is born.

Me, before I had kids: My kids will EAT what I put in FRONT OF THEM!

Me, this week: peeling the breading off of Wendy’s chicken nuggets (because it’s “too spicy”) so the 3yo will eat it.

You learn. You change.

— Ohio mom of two #BLM 🏳️‍🌈 (@OhioMomoftwo) June 16, 2020

5. Nailed it

If you’re a parent, you can relate. Here’s a suggestion. Every mom and dad should carry a recorder around when grocery shopping that says, “Put it back.”

Grocery shopping with kids is just saying “put that back!” every 30 seconds until everyone is crying.

— Toni Hammer (@thetonihammer) January 13, 2017

6. It happens every time

It doesn’t matter if it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner. If you don’t believe it, try it for yourself. Just be sure you have a backup meal planned.

Parenthood is full of surprises. Fix your child’s favorite breakfast, yogurt with peaches, and SURPRISE! They now hate yogurt. And peaches.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 22, 2017

7. It’s almost identical

If you’ve ever seen a horse chew hay, you know exactly what this means. But you have to admit, a spaghetti dinner can be quite an adventure. Especially if you have a child around two or three years of age.

There is little difference between how a horse eats hay and the way my children consume spaghetti.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 22, 2015

8. Unique reasoning

It’s almost impossible to get into the mind of a child. Being so young, they don’t think like adults. Here’s a perfect example.

Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old’s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 15, 2013

9. Figured it out

Do you remember when we said that parents are always learning and adapting? Fortunately, this father learned pretty fast. His solution works beautifully … every time.

When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016

10. Communication is so important

Even when kids are super young, it’s essential for parents to keep an open line of communication. That includes answering questions honestly. It also means not being shocked when getting unexpected responses.

4-year-old: Why do you go to work?

Me: They pay me a salary.

4-year-old:

Me:

4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2015

11. Ah, how sweet

Kids learn by watching what their moms and dads do. That includes preparing meals and eating together. So, this precious child was just mimicking what he’d seen … well, sort of.

Toddlers are fun if you like being woken up from a dead sleep by someone force-feeding you gummi bears.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) September 16, 2017

12. Romantic dinner for parents of four

When you have four kids, there’s seldom time for mom and dad to have a quiet, romantic dinner. In this couple’s house, they get the opportunity quite often. We’re just not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Family dinners are fun because we start out as a family of 6 & then after everyone gets in trouble for acting up it’s a dinner for two.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 25, 2020

13. If you’re guilty, raise your hand

In homes with more than one child, as well as a significant other, it’s not always easy to find out who was responsible for something bad. Initially, you might think it’s the four-year-old because they licked the couch. On the other hand, the Oreo filling might’ve been too tempting.

Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch?
Husband:
4:
7:
Me: Well…
7: It really could have been any of us.
4: (licks couch)

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 21, 2016

14. Does this ring a bell?

You can be the most loving and patient parent in the world. But by the end of the day, your kids have probably pushed your buttons one too many times. And usually, it’s over something like juice.

Me at 8am: “Oh, juice spill? That’s ok, kids. Love you.”

Me at 5pm: “If ONE MORE GODDAMN DROP OF JUICE spills, I’m burning the house down!”

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 22, 2017

15. So hard to please

Around this age, kids begin to start showing their independence. This is also the time when they get super picky about what they eat. Yet somehow, they still want to make things difficult.

9yo: What can I have for lunch?
Me: What do you want?
9yo: What are my options?
Me: You literally eat 5 things.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 6, 2019

16. They’re growing, right?

Or is it that they’re just being obstinate? Either way, every parent goes through this. A simple solution … keep a bowl of healthy snacks out at all times.

Times of the day my kids are the most hungry:
3. Morning.
2. Lunch.
1. 10 seconds after they’ve said “I’m full,” and we’ve cleared plates.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) April 11, 2016

17. ROFL

Now, this is funny. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, just wait, it will. And more than likely, they’ll like whatever they just had a meltdown over.

Son: What’s for dinner?
Me: Fish.

*He screams, starts hyperventilating, loses all control, begins to break from reality*

Son: (suddenly stops) Wait. Have I ever had fish?

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 10, 2018

18. Telltale signs

Yep … that’s about right … if you see a car trashed with crushed crackers and cereal, you can bet it belongs to a parent. Just remember that someday when your kids are grown, you’ll wish your car still looked that way. Oh, never mind, the grandkids will keep up the tradition.

The universal sign of a parent’s car:
Gold Fish crackers or Cheerios everywhere.

— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) September 12, 2017

19. Touché

We have no idea how old this kid is. But if he’s still eating dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, he can’t be that old. That makes his comeback even more impressive.

Me: stop playing with your food

Son: if you didnt want me to play with my food then why did you get me dinosaur chicken nuggets?

M: touchė

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 21, 2017

20. That sounds logical

You know, the only reason this toddler ate the waffle was because of the syrup. So, their thinking makes perfect sense. Good try, kid.

3yo: May I have another waffle with syrup?

Me: You just ate the last one.

3yo:

Me:

3yo: Then can I have just some syrup?

— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) November 21, 2016

21. At a loss

While raising kids, you’re going to have occasions where you just don’t have any words. That was the case for this parent. Seriously how are they supposed to respond to that?

DAUGHTER: I don’t want that for dinner.
ME: What do you want?
DAUGHTER: Noodles.
ME: …This is noodles.
DAUGHTER: I don’t want that.
ME: I don’t…I don’t know where we go from here.

— The Dad (@thedad) July 21, 2019

22. 10 seconds of silence

As mentioned, it’s nearly impossible for parents to have a romantic dinner at home. You have to admit, this is priceless. But unfortunately, it ruined any chance of intimacy.

Romantic Dinner for Parents

“I love you”

“Love you too”

“Dinner was great.”

“We’re finally alone”

(from other room) “Somebody wipe me!”

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 1, 2017

23. Not in any hurry

Why is it when kids want to go somewhere, they can’t get out the door fast enough. But when it’s the parent’s turn, this happens. We think it’s a conspiracy.

My 6 y/o takes, on average, 14 years to finish his dinner.

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) April 10, 2020

24. It happens every time

And usually, it’s while in the car … just after you cleaned it. There is a positive side to this. If this mom ever needs crumbs as ingredients for dinner, she knows who to turn to.

My son’s superpower is to turn 1 cracker into 10 lbs of crumbs

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 9, 2013

25. Living on the edge

If there’s one way to get a kid upset at mealtime … this is it. If you don’t ask first, you’re bound to see a meltdown. The funny thing is, if you cleaned it off, they’d probably choose the same spot just to spite you.

Sometimes I like to live dangerously by putting ketchup on my kid’s dinner plate without asking where they would like it first

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 1, 2019

26. Warning to anyone thinking about having children

Not only the ducts but also the DVD player, stereo, toilet, under the kitchen sink, you name it. You have to wonder if they do this to make their parents angry. Or is it just a case of having a curious mind?

I just found spaghetti in our heating ducts if any of you were thinking of having children.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 28, 2015

27. An all-day event

No matter how hard you work to teach your child good manners at the table, this is going to happen. And the stealing, spilling, and throwing go well beyond mealtime. You might want to invest in a good dust buster and mop.

Kids don’t have breakfast, lunch & dinner times. They have food spilling, stealing & throwing times. And those are all of the time.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 7, 2017

28. Parents can learn from kids, too

See, moms and dads can learn from their children, too. Just feed off their optimism. Even if that involves them begging to have chocolate for breakfast.

Just once, I want to wake up with the same sense of renewed optimism my 5yo has as he requests candy for breakfast for the 25th day in a row

— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 6, 2016

29. Grandparents always have the last say

Yes, it’s super annoying when a grandparent overrides the parent. But after raising their kids, they have a rite of passage. Someday, it’ll be your turn.

*dinner requests at grandmas*

6- Can I have a pancake?

Grandma- What did your dad say?

6- He said no.

Grandma- I’ll make you three pancakes for dinner.

— Chris (@GettingMyDadOn) December 28, 2019

30. No negotiating

Some kids are stubborn. They’ll do just about anything to get their way. Case in point, this unconscious child on the floor.

My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She’s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 10, 2013

31. Setting rules

To run a seamless household, parents must set rules. One of them … no yelling in the house. And this is the reason why.

Me: Can you go tell your brother that dinner is ready?

Son: *standing one inch from my ear* DINNER IS READY!

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 23, 2020

32. If you can’t beat them, join them

If you look back on your childhood, you’ll discover some of your favorite memories are when your parents decided to join you rather than fight over a situation. This is one of those times. It’s a funny, sweet, and slightly odd bonding moment.

Was arguing with my 2 y/o for 30 minutes about why he needs to wear his pants and now we’re both sitting in our underwear eating donuts

— paperwash© (@PaperWash) October 13, 2013

33. Every kid loves chicken

Even if you have a super picky eater in your house, they’ll always scarf down chicken. But to keep meals interesting for everyone, you can do what this mom does. Everything is chicken … brilliant.

Parent Mealtime Hack:

“It’s chicken!” Seriously. No matter what it is. Just call it chicken.

— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) March 2, 2018

34. Only two ingredients needed

If you’re a parent, you can make every meal a success with just two ingredients. Those are cheese and ketchup. Just don’t get grossed out when they put it on everything, including ice cream.

70% of parenting is just melting cheese on stuff to try and get your kids to eat it.

The other 30% is dipping it in ketchup.

— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) July 12, 2015

35. Get ahead of the game

Here’s a suggestion for moms and dads. Anticipate your child’s next comment and then beat them to it. More than likely, if you say something’s disgusting, they’ll eat it to prove you wrong

Flex on your kids by calling your new dinner recipe “Ew Disgusting” before they do.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 24, 2020

36. Sibling rivalry

If you only have one child but you’re thinking about having another, remember, sibling rivalry is real. And it’s petty. Just ask this dad who had to cut an M&M in half to prevent fighting between his two kids.

Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half.

An M&M.

In half.

— Val (@ValeeGrrl) November 7, 2015

37. There’s always room for more

Especially when kids go through growth spurts, parents can’t keep enough food in the house. If you don’t have children yet, you might want to get a jump start by opening a savings account just for food. It’ll come in handy.

Me: I think I ate too much.
4yo: Yeah, but not just today.

— Aaron Aryanpur (@aaroncomedian) November 26, 2016

38. “You’re grounded”

Back in the day, no child would ever think of doing this. They’d get grounded in a heartbeat. Today, kids are so brave.

Wish I was as brave as my kid who just ate zero bites of her dinner and then asked for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 30, 2018

39. Getting the point across

For one dad, this is his mealtime solution. Now, we have to admit it’s a little strange. But hey, if it works, more power to him.

when my daughter asks me how much more dinner she needs to eat to get dessert i like to answer in abstract quantities like ‘the average weight of joy’ or ‘seven sunsets’ to teach her that life often doesn’t make sense and also quit sassing me and eat your peas, kid.

— mister blank (@mister_blank) April 1, 2019

40. Thank you, very much

That was very nice of him. We can only imagine what mealtime is like in this house. But honestly, we’d almost like to visit just for the experience.

My apologies to anyone who has to eat dinner with one of my children in the future. Please know I tried.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 21, 2016

41. No dining out

With small kids, it’s almost always better to eat at home. If you don’t believe it, take them out to dinner. We’re guessing it’ll only take one time for you to agree.

Took my kids out to dinner & was quickly reminded why I never take them out to dinner.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 15, 2017

42. “I’m not your butler”

Probably every parent does this. Moms and dads want desperately to teach their kids to be more independent yet they still want to be good parents. Maybe it’s time to find a good balance between the two.

“I am not your butler” I said to my kids as I made each of them a different dinner and made sure the foods weren’t all touching.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 30, 2019

43. Meltdown in 3, 2, 1

If you want to see a major meltdown, do this. But do you know what? If you’d cut it into triangles, they’d have a fit that it wasn’t in squares … you just can’t win the battle of the sandwich.

Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.

— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014

44. Natural birth control

If you’re on the fence about having children, just spend some time with someone who has a little one. Listening to the questions fly will help you make up your mind. You’re either all in or all out.

Kid questions at lunch like “why is milk white?” and “why do chickens have fingers?” are adorable, and also surprisingly effective birth control.

— Just J (@junejuly12) June 29, 2019

45. The audacity

Kids are a lot smarter than parents give them credit for. Especially when it comes to food, more specifically, macaroni and cheese. This restaurant ruined the kid’s entire meal.

Tonight’s child meltdown brought to you by a restaurant that used real cheese in their mac-n-cheese instead of the powdered stuff.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 23, 2017

46. That wasn’t nice

But if you have children, you know they’re brutally honest. At least this kid gave their mom or dad a heads-up. Here’s a thought, have that kid help with dinner every night for a month … then watch the attitude change.

[dinner time]

me: what would you like to stare at for twenty minutes and then throw away?

kids: whatever’s the most difficult to make

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) July 15, 2020

47. Leftovers aren’t allowed

You have to hand it to this child. They made a good point. So, preventing this kid from wearing the same clothes to school two days in a row means no more leftovers.

Me: didn’t you wear that shirt yesterday?

Son: yes, didn’t we have chicken for dinner yesterday?

Touché kid

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 11, 2020

48. Now, that’s a great idea…

…for parents, anyway … for snack companies, not so much. A lot of kids do this. Even grosser, they hand it back to their mom or dad and say, “Here, you eat it.”

They should sell food in tiny, one-bite portions for when your child says they want to try something new, then takes one lick and declares it gross.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 29, 2019

49. Pizza delivery

There’s a reason why pizza companies stay so busy. They get a lot of calls to households with kids. It’s the chicken alfredo’s fault.

Kids: What’s for dinner?
Me: I’m making Chicken, Broccoli and Ziti Alfredo.
Kids:
Me: wut
Child 1: I don’t want broccoli in mine.
Child 2: I don’t want chicken in mine.
Child 3: I don’t want chicken or broccoli.
Child 4: Can you rinse off-
Me [picking up phone]: Pizza it is.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 23, 2020

50. The daily grind

This probably resonates with a lot of parents. For any men and women who question why their spouses continually stay late at the office. This might be the reason.

My favorite thing is to rush home after a long work day and make a dinner I have to threaten my kids to eat and then finish the work I’ve brought home while my still hungry kids beg for 10 snacks til they go to bed

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 12, 2020

51. Parents can’t win

For moms and dads with several kids, this happens all the time. So, on any given night, they have to decide how many of their children they want to make happy versus sad. What a dilemma.

Asking my kids what they want for dinner is a great way to make one kid happy and three kids cry.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2018

52. What’s the big deal?

If you prefer to make food from scratch for your kids, it takes time. That’s this parent’s problem. Their child has no clue what it takes to “whip up” a pan of homemade chicken noodle soup … after all, moms can do anything.

My kids want me to make homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch. Like, who do they think I am? The Cheesecake Factory?

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 16, 2020

53. Whatever

There are times as a parent when you just have to let the kids take control. And that includes mealtime. Besides, isn’t cheese good for you?

Some nights you have the energy to battle a kid to eat vegetables at the dinner table and other nights you let them take bites out of a block of cheese for dinner because whatever

— The Dad (@thedad) December 17, 2019

54. Slowpoke

Most moms and dads teach their children to eat slowly to allow the food to digest. But for this dad, his son takes it too literally. At least he has a nice bucket list.

Things that will happen before my kid finishes his dinner:

– Halley’s Comet will return
– Pigs will fly
– I will get a replacement liver for the one I ruined while waiting for him to finish eating

— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) April 13, 2020

55. Thinking outside of the box

Parenting is hard enough. But when you have a picky eater, things become even more challenging. At first, this mom thought “no way” but then she realized this wasn’t such a bad idea.

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

3: Cheeseburgers

Me: No we can’t ha…wait

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 2, 2020

56. Same thing 365 days a year

Get ready for it. Whether you don’t yet have children or yours is still an infant, just wait. You can expect one, if not all of these, every day of the year.

Mealtime with a kid:

Eyes well up
Don’t want that
Tears
Hissy fit
More tears
Taste it
Like it
Ask for it for the next 374 days in a row

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) June 10, 2013

57. Leading by example

But that doesn’t always mean a good example. Not only does this wife and mother have two people to feed but now, two challenges. Way to go, dad.

Daughter: dessert?

Wife: you have to eat more dinner first

Daughter: but that means less room for cookies

Me: *puts down fork* that’s an excellent point

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 18, 2019

58. It doesn’t matter

Before her kids can even get the words out of their mouths, this mom says, “You’re going to eat it anyway.” What’s fun about that? Aren’t children supposed to make mealtime difficult?

I’ve reached the level of parenting where when my kids ask “what’s for dinner?” I just skip directly to the part where I tell them they’re going to have to eat it anyway.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 3, 2018

59. This is hilariously spot-on

Remember, kids are brutally honest. We don’t think this little one actually panicked. It was more like they wanted to add a bit of excitement to breakfast.

[waitress brings out the food]

5-year-old: I don’t like pancakes.

Me: Then why did you order pancakes?

5: I panicked.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017

60. Isn’t that correct?

Think about it. If you have things in your life that produce enough stress to cause an ulcer, you’d eliminate them. So, why doesn’t that include feeding the kids?

I didn’t read any parenting books but I assume it’s totally cool to bow out of feeding your kids if mealtime gives you an ulcer. Can anyone verify?

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 14, 2018

61. At the point of exhaustion

After a long day at work, all you want is a quick and simple meal with the family. But there’s one problem. You have a child.

ME: [ with first kid] Alright I made chicken and veggies for dinner. For a snack you can have carrots.

[3 kids in]

KID: Dad can I have this for dinner [holds up bag of reeses pieces]

ME: literally do not care. have at it.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 1, 2019

62. Her plan backfired

This mom has the parenting thing down to a fine art. If you have a kid who loves playing games, you might try this. We think this is a genius idea.

At lunch time my toddler asked me for more food. Right as I put her plate down with more food she said no thanks I’m done then I looked at her and said that’s not for you and I sat down at the little table and started eating my food. The look of defeat on her face, priceless.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 17, 2020

63. Mealtime scheduling

If you have a child like this, it might help to allot more time to dinner. Otherwise, you’re always going to feel frustrated. The other option … lock up the house and tell your kid to turn off the lights when they head to bed.

You know those download progress bars that randomly pause and then inexplicably add more time? That’s my kid eating breakfast.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) May 23, 2017