Parenting, as we all know, is no easy task. You may think that you’re only raising kids, but the truth of the matter is that you’re actually sewing the seeds of pure chaos!
Sometimes it’s hard to know how to turn to in those dark moments when you really don’t want to share your donut. But, what better place to turn to than social media for some funny home-spun, tried and true, real life parenting advice?
Take it from these 75 Twitter moms and dads who really have some parenting hacks know-how. Or at the very last, they’ll make you laugh at being such a bad parent yourself.
1) Need a vacay from the kids?
Just ask them to help you clean up and then watch as the peaceful silence ensues. Sometimes kids that have gone missing is a good thing!
Then dig into your favorite snacks when your kids aren’t there! This same trick will actually work with the family dog, too.
3) Always make extra lemonade.
When life gives you leftover lemonade, don’t waste this previous gift. Pop it into the blender with some ice so you can make some tasty margaritas!
4) Double dare them into taking action!
If you know your kid is highly competitive, then trick them into doing their chores. If you tell them that you can do i 0 times faster, they’ll spring into action to prove you wrong!
Or you could just be like Linda Gulley:
“I told my kiddo that anything I had to pick up went into the trash. Highly effective.”
5) Don’t ask, just observe.
No one likes to be told what to do. So if you want your kids to get their 5-a-day, then just put out a plate of veggies and walk out of the room.
6)The Old “Ice Cream Man” Trick!
Sometimes you have to play dirty if you want to get your kids to do their chores. Don’t worry about implementing such questionable parenting skills, they’ll eventually get over it when they grow up.
7) Tell your kids it’s a race to the death!
If you have little ones who haven’t caught on to your evil trickster ways yet, convince them that everything is a race. Then watch how quickly the get things done!
8) The good old wi-fi trick.
This clever little wi-fi hack will always work if you need to find your kids. These days no one can live a second without access to the Internet!
9) Never look your kid in the eye past 8pm.
Don’t make eye contact with your little ones when they’re about to nod off. Otherwise, you’ll ruin any peace and quiet you would have had for the rest of the night.
10) Use reverse psychology if you want a sparkling clean home.
Do you need help with your chores? Then channel your inner dark Jedi and play mind tricks with your kids!
11) Do as I say, not as I do.
Brownies are not the breakfast of champions. They’re breakfast for sneaky grownups.
12) Evil Bieber is gonna get cha, little man!
If you threaten your sons with Justin Bieber, they’ll have pearly whites for the rest of their lives. “Brush your teeth or I’ll sick the Biebs on you!”
If you act like you’re grumpy and “in a mood” then your kids will jump at the chance to get away from you. Who knew parenting could be so easy?
14) Dad’s way of getting things done.
Kids are never in the way when this dad is around. That’s because he knows how to spin a game of hide and seek so that everyone feels like a winner!
There’s no need to always be in a rush to make dinner. Just wait it out, and your kids’ hunger will eventually take care of itself.
16) Never buy new toys ever again!
Why spend money on new toys every month? If your kids think someone else is going to get them, they’ll want to hang onto it even more.
@Scott Johnson:
“Every toy is ‘special’ to my kids once they know it is leaving the house for good.”
17) La la la, I can’t hear you!
Earphones are good for more than just listening to music. If your kids can cover their ears and pretend not to hear you when they’re having a fit, then give them the same childish treatment when you want a quiet moment to yourself.
18) Keep expectations as low as you can go.
If you keep expectations low, your children will think they’re swimming in the lap of luxury when you do something nice for them. Once a week Happy Meals? Now that’s a treat for a king!
19) How to “convince” your kids they’re tired.
Do you have a little Energizer bunny that has a hard time winding down at bedtime? Tell them to brush their teeth, and they’ll suddenly be too tired to even get ready for bed.
20) Do whatever you gotta do to keep ’em clean.
Sometimes it seems like kids and hygiene are natural enemies. But, if you don’t want people to think your children have been raised by wolves, then you may have to resort to the occasional shampoo hit and run.
21) How to skate on very thin ice.
Dads, don’t be fooled into thinking that this is a clever parenting hack. What you don’t know, because you’re just too silly to know better, is that mom always knows and hears everything.
22) Stuck with picky little eaters?
Do you have tiny little minions who hate dinner, but love grazing on snacks all day? Then call that 6pm meal a snack and watch them scarf it down like hungry little pigs.
23) To grandmother’s house they go!
If your grandmother thinks your children are such a joy, then remind her what being a parent is all about. Let her see just how pleasant they are when 5am rolls around.
24) Set the clocks back an hour every weekend.
Need an extra hour of snooze time on the weekend? Then trick your kids into staying in bed for an extra hour by setting their clocks back.
25) Sick of watching the same video over and over again?
Then pretend that YouTube is like renting books from the library. Tell your kiddos that there are only so many videos to go around, and other families are waiting their turn to watch!
26) Something worth crying over.
You know those produce stickers that kids love to peel off apples and bananas, and stick just about everywhere? Turns out your tears can help you remove them from the walls, floors, and underneath the bed frame.
27) How to keep a screaming toddler occupied.
Screaming toddler getting on your nerves? Just hand him a fluffy white whale and he’ll settle down.
@Delores Vandelay:
“Pads work too. Pillow stickers!!!”
28) You don’t always have to share.
As a parent, you do your best to raise your kids right and teach your kids to share. But that doesn’t mean they have to know about your donut.
29) Bribe your kid’s teacher.
Running out of space on your fridge to hang all the pictures your children crayoned in class? Then slip a little something to their teacher to make all the new ones disappear for good!
30) When crack for babies is kinda okay.
Giving crack to babies is hardly considered okay under most circumstances. But if you’re a parent who needs to clean up around the house, then
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse works pretty well as addictive entertainment.
31) Trick ’em when they’re little.
Why hire a masseuse, when you can just train your kids to do the same thing? But you’ll need to do it while they’re young before they catch on!
Sleep is a luxury you can’t afford when you have kids. They can get into so much trouble if you nod off for even a moment!
33) Don’t ever trust a toddler!
Toddlers can be just as sneaky and underhanded as their ornery parents. So if you see them playing with a sticky lollipop, you better take that weapon of mass destruction away from them before it’s too late.
Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve pulled the old “business meeting” trick on your kids. Even grownups need to take naps now and then.
35) Let your kids do all the work.
Why do all the work of guilt-tripping your spouse, when your kids can just as easily do it for you? A poopy diaper is all it takes to make dad feel really bad.
36) Use sweets to control them.
Carry a pack of mini M&M’s in your purse if you want your mini humans to do your bidding. It works every time!
37) Start a mismatched socks trend.
Be a forward thinking parent and make your kids think mismatched socks are trendy. That way when the washing machine eats them, you won’t have to worry about the tears and drama that comes with them wearing one pink and one yellow sock to school!
38) Treat your toddler like a pet.
Cats won’t play with the expensive toys any more than your toddler will. So when they’re young, take advantage of things like water bowls and cat food – they’re perfectly fine for keeping your lil’ munchkin entertained!
39) The four letter word parenting hack.
This parenting hack takes the cake for being both a single word, and a single ingredient: wine. Better have some while you can before the real “whining” ensues!
40) Can’t find the kids? Do this.
If your kids are too young to employ the good old wi-fi trick, then get out the bowl of candy. As soon as they hear the crinkly sound of you opening up the wrapper, they’ll come out of their hiding place to find you!
41) You’re not a bad parent in real life.
Any time you fee like a bad mom, just remind yourself what happened in Jurassic World. Bringing kids to a dino park is just pure negligence!
Not a soccer mom at heart? Then see if you can rent someone to go watch your kids play sports, so you don’t have to!
43) Make everything a science experiment.
Don’t have time to wash the dishes? When people are over, just chalk up the pile of dirty plates to your kid’s science experiment!
44) Chuck E Cheese is closed for “flu” season.
Be proud of your parenting accomplishments! When you can pull the wool of your children’s eyes, especially when it comes to Chuck E Cheese, it means you’ve come really far in the parenting hacks game.
45) Sorry sweetie, the ice cream truck is sold out.
Those ice cream truck tabs can add up pretty fast. So it’s okay to fool your kids into thinking the ice cream truck is sold out when you’re short on change!
46) It’s easy to spot a parent.
Just ask them how many cups of coffee it takes them to get through the day. Either that, or look for food stains on their suit jacket!
@Feliz Navidaddo:
“4 because of the kids, 1 because of the job, and 2 because of the wife.”
@Barth Anderson:
“The mouth-shaped applesauce stain on the suit jacket is a good indicator.”
47) Forget coupons, sales, or loyalty reward cards.
Your purchasing decisions should always be based on what is most practical. Is there really any other way to buy cereal?
48) How dad cleans up the mess.
You may think you’re all grown up, but there’s still a thing or two you can learn from your own parents. Skills like this one are things you can pass down to your kids!
49) Hide your snacks in plain sight.
If you don’t want to eat your snacks in the closet, then buy tasty treats that your kids don’t like. Anything spicy will usually do the trick!
50) Might be worth a shot.
Well, Amazon practically does everything else for us. So maybe there’s hope that Alexa will do your parenting bidding!
51) Listen to the Rocky theme song to stay strong.
If listening to “Eye of the Tiger” can make Rocky Balboa
Bet you didn’t know that cooking dinner qualifies you for inbound sales experience. Now you have something new to add to your resume!
53) Just cook whatever you want.
Your kids will hate whatever you make them. So, you may as well cook what you want to eat since that’s what you’ll be stuck with!
54) Ways to tell identical twins apart.
There’s a better, low tech way to tell identical twins apart. A simple “1” and “2” with a Sharpie will do it!
55) Start a new millennial lullaby trend
Want to know how millennial lullabies are born? Just ask the dad who sings the theme song to the
Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
56) Turn your baby into a dust mop.
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of your baby when he’s crawling on all fours. Whatever helps mama get the chores done, right?
Not any more they’re not! Cool them down the mama #parentinghack way – with a blast of AC from the minivan!
58) This dad’s Capri Sun hack!
Going from the baby bottle to a Capri Sun pouch is a pretty big step. But, if you can’t fill them fast enough, do what this dad did and keep a few syringes around.
“No Capri Suns left but your 3 year old is screaming for one? Keep the kids out of the kitchen and fill the last one back up!”
59) How to spot a little liar.
Well, this is probably as close to the truth as you can get. Lots of people start to get red in the face when trying to cover up a little white lie!
60) When your kid is asleep but you need to eat.
There’s no such thing as kids getting in the way of a good, hearty breakfast. In fact, this enterprising dad is letting his kiddo get in on it!
61) Another cold ice cream truck trick.
There’s no sound in the world that’s as attention grabbing as the jingle the ice cream truck makes. So, why not use it to your tactical advantage? No one said you had to play fair!
62) Don’t take parenting advice from other parents.
Not everyone is cracked up to be a parent. Especially the ones who have kids who learn how to swear before they learn how to talk.
63) Put your foot down so you know who’s in charge.
Sometimes you just have to put your foot down to show your toddler who’s really in charge. If that doesn’t work, remind them who gave birth to them!
64) It’s as good of parenting advice as any.
Even if you don’t think you have much parenting advice to give, you actually do. There’s always something you’ve learned along the way that other parents need to know.
65) Make average parent skills more awesome!
Okay so this is really terrible parenting advice. But damn, it makes you look good in front of all the other parents!
66) Good parenting takes practice.
And practice, as we all know, makes perfect. So go ahead and pick up that pillow and scream at it like it’s your kid!
67) Let’s be practical about it.
If you’re kids are fighting, it’s no big deal. You shouldn’t let their incessant bickering get in the way of whatever you’re doing unless it really starts impairing your ability to be on the phone.
68) When you know you can finally just relax.
When you can send your kids to the other room without worry that they’re going to be at each other’s throats, then congratulate yourself. You’ve graduated to the next stage of parenting!
69) Quiet, mom… the kaboom is coming.
You should probably be scared if your toddler starts whispering to you that she made something go kaboom. In fact, it might be time to go back to parenting school!
Let’s face it, not all babies are cute. Some of them are even a pain in the butt! Why can’t parents just admit the truth?
71) Toddler therapy for rush hour traffic.
Sometimes the best parenting advice comes from left field. Other times, it comes straight from your omniscient little toddler’s mouth.
@momxious:
“Is she free on Wednesday? I’d like to get an appointment.”
@TheCatWhisperer:
“Yes, and she only accepts cookies.”
72) When you have to resort to using Elmo scarecrows.
Not every kid likes Elmo. So, if you’re trying to deter some bad behavior, it’s okay to sick Elmo on your kiddo!
73) Cheeky parenting teamwork
It takes a village to raise kids! Or in this case, to conspire against the lot of them so you can all go home early!
74) Let them have cake… as a snack.
Marie-Antoinette famously said “let them eat cake” when she found out that starving peasants had no bread. If you want to be just as awesomely sweet as her, then it’s perfectly fine to let your kiddos have cake as a snack.
75) Aim high… or in this case, low.
You’re not a real parent until you’ve worked your way up to doing this at least once a day. So throw some toys on the floor and start practicing until you get it right!
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