For some reason, other parents think they know everything about parenting. Lots of the time these parents will tell others how to parent.
Sometimes they offer their advice as a helpful tip.
But some people are downright rude. They’ll judge other parents, and instead of offering help, they criticize and even try and shame other parents.
That’s what happened to Kelly Dirkes when she was in Target with her two adopted daughters who have Down syndrome.
While she was shopping, a woman went out of her way to tell Kelly that she was spoiling her baby.
She said this because Kelly was carrying her baby. I didn’t know it was possible to spoil a little baby.
It’s one thing if the child is a toddler or older than that, but a baby?
Babies are adorable and helpless, they should have whatever they want.
But apparently, this woman thinks babies need to toughen up and learn how to be independent.
Kelly was so pissed she decided to write an open letter to the “Woman in Target.”
“I’ve heard it before, you know. That I “spoil that baby”. You were convinced that she’d never learn to be “independent.” I smiled at you, kissed her head, and continued my shopping,” Kelly wrote in her post.
This woman was completely clueless as to who this baby was, where she came from, and how hard her life has been.
“If you only knew what I know. If you only knew how she spent the first ten months of her life utterly alone inside a sterile metal crib, with nothing to comfort her other than sucking her fingers.”
“If you only knew what her face looked like the moment her orphanage caregiver handed her to me to cradle for the very first time–fleeting moments of serenity commingled with sheer terror. No one had ever held her that way before, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.”
This poor child would lay in her crib when she woke up and would never cry because she knew no one would respond.
This poor child grew to have so much anxiety that she would bang her head on crib rails and rock back and forth for sensory input and comfort.
“If you only knew that that baby in the carrier is heartbreakingly ‘independent’ –and how we will spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to override the part of her brain that screams ‘trauma’ and ‘not safe,'” Kelly explains.
Thankfully, all of Kelly’s love and “spoiling” has helped the baby heal and thrive in her care.
Now the child whimpers when she’s put down instead of when she’s picked up.
Now she sings in the mornings and after her naps because she knows that someone will hear her and come to pick her up to change her diaper.
She also rocks to sleep in the loving arms of her mother and father instead of rocking herself to sleep.
“If you only knew that that baby made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort, totally unprompted. If you only knew what I know,” Kelly explains.
This “spoiling” mother says she fully intends to continue the “spoiling” of her children.
“Spoiling that baby” is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege. I will carry her for a little while longer–or as long as she’ll let me–because she is learning that she is safe. That she belongs. That she is loved,”
You can read Kelly’s full Facebook post below.
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Dear Woman in Target-I've heard it before, you know. That I "spoil that baby". You were convinced that she'd never…
Posted by Kelly Dirkes onMonday, April 25, 2016
