Like so many parents, Alison Wright had told her daughter to just distance herself from the class bully. But then she found another solution.
Alison Wright had no idea how to confront the issue of bullying when she sent her eldest child to school. So like so many people, she told her daughter to, “just stay away,” from the bullies.
There’s no denying that this approach can be effective. If you spend less time around the mean kids, you get picked on less.
Wright had naturally taught her own daughters to be nice to others. Sadly, not all parents get this message through to their kids.
The girl in Wright’s daughter’s class that loved nothing more than to pick on other people had clearly missed out on some important life lessons.
So for a while, Wright’s daughter followed the, “just stay away,” advice. Then one day, something happened that made Wright reconsider this advice entirely.
She took her daughter to a play date with a bunch of kids from her class. Neither the mother or daughter knew it before they arrived, but the bully and her mother were also there.
Soon, Wright and the bully’s mom were standing across from one another. And then Wright saw things from that mother’s perspective.
The bully’s mother was obviously worn out.
“And although she was surrounded by near strangers, her pain and hurt spilled over her coffee. There was nothing she could do to stop it.” – Alison Wright.
Of course, Wright had no knowledge of this other mother’s personal circumstances. But she could tell that her life was tough.
But the worst thing was that this mother knew that her struggles had negatively affected her daughter.
Over the next few hours, Wright heard about the difficulties that this other mother was going through.
“I left that play-date feeling like crap. Why had I dismissed her so easily?” – Alison Wright.
She realized that both the mother and the daughter needed support.
So now, when Wright hears her daughter complaining about someone in school, she no longer tells her to just stay away. Instead, Wright says to give the other child forgiveness.
Of course, Wright’s daughter can’t just walk up to a bully and say, “I forgive you.” Instead, what Wright is saying is more nuanced.
Wright herself is becoming involved in resolving the issues. She’s reaching out to the mother of the “bully” that she met. She’s asking this woman to meet up. Hopefully, she’ll be able to connect with this woman and discuss (not argue, discuss) the issues that their daughters have with one another.
Just imagine how much society would benefit if parents regularly did this? Instead of teaching avoidance, people like Wright could reach out to the parents of bullies.
They could take some time to understand why their children may be acting the way they are and work out a way to make it better.
Naturally, if this approach was taken more often, children throughout the world wold have much better school experiences.
Parents could work together to iron out issues between their kids.
Let’s face it, right now, people are more divided than ever. People don’t talk to others with different perspectives. Instead, they make their own social bubbles with individuals that they agree with. Could Wright’s approach change this? Our problems won’t go away overnight. But we have to start somewhere.
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