The old-school narrative goes that you go to school, get a job, get married, and have kids. So, people will expect that you’ll follow that pattern.
These are the people who are constantly asking, “So, when are you gonna have baby?”
And Adele Barbaro was pretty sick of these people. She would constantly have to come up excuses to tell people when they asked her this question.
Such as, we just got married and are enjoying ourselves, we want to do some traveling first, and I want to focus on my career now.
Finally, she just couldn’t take it anymore and told them the truth.
“One day I responded with ‘it’s not that freaking easy, you know.’ I had just gotten my period that morning… again,” Adele said a piece featured on Love What Matters. “They would tell me that I’m not going to be young forever or that my maternal clock was ticking. And believe me, I knew it. I just didn’t need to hear it from everyone else.”
Adele was actually trying to get pregnant but was “reproductively challenged” and was having a tough time. She gave up hope when she heard the news.
Her husband, however, wasn’t about to give up that easily.
“I remember the day, vividly. I had to go to work after we had the appointment and I thought that was it for me. No kids. My husband, always the optimistic one, said that we would try the treatments suggested and that it was not over. We even had a very frank discussion about adopting. We were told to expect a long road ahead if we decided to take it,” she explains.
She and her husband decided to start IVF treatments and it wasn’t easy. In Adele’s words, “IVF sucks.”
But they went through with it anyway.
“It is the most time consuming, invasive, expensive and emotionally painful roller coaster I have been on. It actually broke me,” she recalls. “You have so much invested in the process, financially and emotionally that it consumes your every thought.”
To make matters worse, it seemed like everyone around Adele was getting pregnant… except for her. So, she stopped going to get-togethers and baby birthday parties.
She became bitter and depressed.
“But one year later, I got up for work and did a quick test, expecting the usual mind-numbing result. I crawled back into bed with my husband,” she explains. “He rolled over and said ‘you’re pregnant, aren’t you’!? I was. I didn’t have to say a thing. My face said it all. We were one of the lucky ones.”
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There are many people who spend all that money and go through all those emotions and tough times for naught. But now Adele and her husband have two children.
Adele hopes that more people will be sensitive to this.
“So, next time you go to say that ‘throw away’ comment to the newlyweds or the couple that have been together for ten years, be sensitive,” she writes. “Don’t ask them when they are having kids. You never know what’s going on.”
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