A recent study from Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, reveals fascinating insights into how grandmothers relate to their grandchildren compared to their own children.
If you’ve ever suspected that your mom might feel closer to your kids than to you, you might be onto something.
The study, led by James Rilling, a professor of anthropology, psychiatry, and behavioral sciences, sought to explore the evolutionary significance of grandmothering by examining the brain functions of around 50 women with at least one biological grandchild aged 3-12.
Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), Rilling’s team scanned the brains of these grandmothers as they viewed photos of their grandchildren, their own children (the parents of the grandchildren), and unrelated children and adults.
The findings, published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, revealed that viewing pictures of their grandchildren activated brain regions associated with emotional empathy.
Emotional empathy is the ability to feel what another person is feeling, a direct and shared emotional experience.
Interestingly, when these grandmothers looked at photos of their own children, different brain regions lit up.
These areas were associated with cognitive empathy, including the precuneus.
Cognitive empathy, or theory of mind, involves understanding what another person is thinking or feeling on a cognitive level and why, but without the shared emotional experience seen in emotional empathy.
This distinction suggests that grandmothers connect with their grandchildren in a more emotionally empathetic way, while their connection to their own children is more cognitively empathetic.
This study builds on previous research where Rilling and his team scanned fathers’ brains as they viewed pictures of their children.
Compared to the fathers, grandmothers showed stronger activation in brain regions linked to emotional empathy and areas involved in reward and motivation.
However, Rilling notes that there was variation within the groups, with some fathers scoring higher on empathy than some grandmothers.
The study’s findings support the idea that grandmothers play a crucial role in the well-being of their grandchildren.
As Rilling explains, human mothers often receive help in raising their offspring, unlike great ape mothers who raise their young alone.
Grandmothers, in many families, are a significant source of this help.
This aligns with the “grandmother hypothesis,” proposed by anthropologist Kristen Hawkes, which suggests that human females live past their reproductive years to help care for their grandchildren, thus ensuring the survival of their genes.
The emotional connection between grandmothers and their grandchildren might also be influenced by what Rilling describes as the “cute” phenotype of children, an evolutionary design to make adults find them endearing and want to care for them.
This could explain why grandmothers often seem to have a special bond with their grandchildren.
Their connection might be less emotionally charged with their own children due to the responsibilities and challenges of parenting.
Grandmothers themselves offer additional perspectives on this unique bond.
Marion Conway, a grandmother of three, believes that the relationship with her grandkids is filled with more “growth, excitement, and pleasure” because she is not an authority figure to them.
Donne Davis, founder of the grandma online community GaGa Sisterhood, feels that the lack of power struggles and boundary-setting makes the relationship with grandchildren less adversarial and more joyous.
Lisa Carpenter, a grandmother of six and author of “A Love Journal: 100 Things I Love About Grandma,” agrees that grandmas often get to enjoy the fun aspects of child-rearing while avoiding the thorny issues they faced with their own children.
While she doesn’t feel more connected to her grandkids than her own children, she acknowledges that her grandkids elicit stronger feelings of joy and curiosity in her.
The ability to enjoy their company and then hand them back to their parents is a significant advantage, she notes, often leaving her with feelings of gratitude towards her own children.
These insights from grandmothers, combined with Rilling’s research, paint a picture of a unique and valuable relationship.
Grandmothers contribute significantly to the well-being of their grandchildren, driven by a blend of emotional empathy and evolutionary design.
As Rilling’s study suggests, this special bond is not just a matter of perception but is deeply rooted in the brain’s responses, highlighting the important role grandmothers play in family dynamics and child development.
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