Parenthood
Woman shamed for taking a break from kids speaks out
I hear what she's saying and think it's valid.
Severin Lai
09.09.20

“Can we stop shaming parents for having a break from their kids while they spend quality time with their grandparents?”

In an emotional post on Facebook, Caitlin Fladager, made a request at a societal level.

She got real with parents all over the world, using her platform of several hundred thousands of followers.

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I love him.. ❤️

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“I don’t know when it became so un-normalized for children to have a good, close relationship with their grandparents.”

Fladager talked about the shaming she would receive

when she would talk about letting her kids stay with their grandparents for a night once a week.

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“Your kids only wear clothes from Walmart, while you get dressed up a lot. Not a good look for you as a mom..” ⁣ ⁣ That statement is something I get a lot. ⁣ ⁣ Yes, my kids clothes mostly come from Walmart, while I buy myself clothes from other stores. ⁣ ⁣ You know why? ⁣ ⁣ Because I am not constantly outgrowing them, like my kids are. ⁣ ⁣ I am not constantly spilling food and dirt all over my brand new clothes. ⁣ ⁣ I am not outside running around in the dirt for hours on end. ⁣ ⁣ I am not tripping and ripping holes in brand new clothes. ⁣ ⁣ I am not changing my mind daily about what colour I have randomly decided I don’t want to wear ever again. ⁣ ⁣ I am not a kid. ⁣ ⁣ My children are messy, they love to play in the dirt, and they love to spill their food. ⁣ ⁣ I buy them cheaper clothes, because I refuse to be the mom who yells at them for spilling a drop of ice cream on a brand new shirt. ⁣ ⁣ I strive to be the mom who sees them spill, and says “oh no big deal!”⁣ ⁣ I strive to be the mom who sees them playing in the dirt, not caring that they are ruining a brand new outfit. ⁣ ⁣ I strive to be the mom who teaches them there is more to life than having nice, expensive clothes.⁣ ⁣ So yes, my kids mainly live in Walmart clothes. ⁣ ⁣ And they love it. ⁣ ⁣ They love being able to spill, get dirty, and outgrow clothes in a day with me not caring. ⁣ ⁣ So here’s my kids, in an outfit I bought not long before this day. ⁣ ⁣ Here’s them covered in dirt, spilling ice cream, and living their best life. ⁣ ⁣ That’s all I could ever want. ⁣ ⁣ I will not feel bad for buying my clothes for them from Walmart.⁣ ⁣ Because when I look at this picture, it reminds me why I do that. ⁣ ⁣ The dirt, the smiles, and the ice cream makes me way more happier than a photo of them dressed in clothes they hate, that they will outgrow in a week. ⁣ ⁣ This right here, makes me so much happier.

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“‘I could never let my kids be watched by someone else weekly!’ They often say.

“They are not ‘being watched.’ They are spending important time with their grandma and papa.”

Her post was accompanied by a heart warming photo of her kids with their grandparents!

Everyone is having a blast in the photo!

Facebook
Source:
Facebook

“My parents look forward to having my children once a week, and plan out so many exciting activities to do with them.

“My children also can’t wait for the day that they know they get to spend the whole time with their grandparents, and constantly ask when they get to go see papa and grandma again.”

How much proof do you need that her children are obviously being

well taken care of and that everyone is better for it?

“Stop looking at it as ‘oh wow they just dump their kids off on their parents.’

“We are a family.

“We help each other.
“We take care of each other.

“No one is being dumped on anyone.”

Fladager’s online platform is largely focused around her journey through motherhood and all of its ups and downs! Seriously, two minutes scrolling through her instagram posts will tell you that she is a fantastic mother and that she has seriously done reading and researching.

She lives for her kids and aims to give them the most loving upbringing possible

while affording them ample room to grow and opportunities that few others could get!

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We haven’t done much since COVID-19 made its way to our city. ⁣ ⁣ I haven’t done any homeschooling, I make them pb&j most days, I have about ten anxiety attacks a day, and I lose my patience a lot. ⁣ ⁣ But that’s okay. ⁣ ⁣ This is all new for me. For my kids, for us. ⁣ ⁣ I try to at least take the kids for a daily walk or car ride, but to see masks and gloves worn by so many, scares me. ⁣ ⁣ To see tents set up to test people, where I used to walk by normally, scares me. ⁣ ⁣ To wake up everyday to read how many more people have died, and or, been diagnosed, scares me. ⁣ ⁣ To see restaurants that used to be packed with people, now empty, scares me. ⁣ ⁣ To see the playgrounds, where my kids used to spend hours, taped off, scares me. ⁣ ⁣ To hear my daughter say “mommy when will everything be normal again?” and me not having an answer, scares me. ⁣ ⁣ I’m scared right now. ⁣ ⁣ To be honest, I’m terrified. ⁣ ⁣ So today, we will do nothing. ⁣ We won’t go anywhere, and I will let them watch tv while eating kraft dinner. ⁣ ⁣ Today I will remind myself it’s okay to break down and have a moment to be scared. ⁣ ⁣ It’s okay to feel powerless and overwhelmed. ⁣ ⁣ So, we will do nothing, and I will tell myself over and over, that it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to feel like I’m going crazy right now. ⁣ ⁣ I will tell myself until I believe it. ⁣ ⁣ It’s okay to do nothing. ⁣ ⁣ It’s okay to be scared. ⁣ ⁣ It’s okay to feel like you’re going crazy. ⁣ ⁣ I will get through this. ⁣ ⁣ We will get through this. ⁣ ⁣ Do nothing, make your kids kraft dinner, and cry if you need to. ⁣ ⁣ Everything we are feeling right now, is okay. ⁣

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“Start looking at it as ‘wow, how awesome those kids are growing up so close to their grandparents. Their time left on earth is uncertain, so how great they get to make memories right now.’

“My kids keep my parents young, and my parents teach my kids things I can’t yet.”

“It takes a village to raise children, and I am forever grateful for mine.”

“I will be forever grateful my kids are so close to their grandparents.

“It’s one of the most important relationships they will ever have.”

“I will be forever grateful for my village.”

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I post more photos of my four year old than my six year old, and no, it doesn’t mean I love my four year old more. It means I respect my six year olds privacy. ⁣ ⁣ I get questioned a lot about why i seem to post more of one child than the other. ⁣ ⁣ “You love her less, it’s obvious.”⁣ “Why is your daughter never with you and your son??”⁣ “Why do you never post photos of her?”⁣ ⁣ Even though she is six, I ask her before I take her photo. When I go to take a picture of her, I stop and ask “is it okay if I take a photo of you right now?” If she says no, I say “okay no problem! Next time maybe.”⁣ ⁣ If I take a photo of her, i show it to her, and I say “this is a great photo of you, can I post it online?” If she says no, I say “okay that’s fine I’ll print it out for your scrapbook!”⁣ ⁣ I would except the same from anyone else taking photos of me. Often I am asked by my mom if I’m okay with her taking my photo. Why would it be any different for my six year old? ⁣ ⁣ She knows when she wants her photo taken and posted, and when she doesn’t. ⁣ ⁣ Posting more photos of one child means absolutely nothing about how much you love them. ⁣ ⁣ My six year old isn’t a baby anymore, and she deserves to have a voice in when she feels comfortable with pictures being taken of her. ⁣ ⁣ She’s not a baby, she deserves respect, privacy, and compassion. Just like anyone else. ⁣ ⁣ So yes, I ask my six year old before I take photos of her. ⁣ ⁣ I ask before I post them. ⁣ ⁣ If she says no, it means no. ⁣ ⁣ And no, it doesn’t mean I love her less than the child who agrees more willingly to have his pictures taken. ⁣ ⁣ I love them equally, and I will always ask their permission. ⁣ ⁣ I will never force them to take any photos they are not comfortable taking.⁣ ⁣ Being able to say “no” when something makes you uncomfortable is so important. Especially as a child. ⁣ ⁣ Start young. ⁣ ⁣ Ask permission from your children. They deserve that.

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Thankfully, the internet really came in clutch this time.

Fladager received an outpouring of support.

Thousands of people all wrote messages of support all saying more or less the same thing:

“I grew up seeing my grandparents all the time and it was so important to me!”

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“What if you marry a boy or a girl? Then you will want to move out of mommy’s house!” is something I say to my five year old son often. I always get comments, looks, and shocked eyes when I say that. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ The fact that I give him a choice, instead of just assuming he is going to grow up and marry a women, is shocking to many people. But it shouldn’t be. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I spent many hours watching “coming out” videos on YouTube, Facebook, you name it, I’ve probably watched it, a few years back. And I noticed something similar in most of the videos. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ These teens/adults were terrified. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Terrified to tell their parents they were in love, with the same gender as them. All I could think watching these were “wow, I really hope my children never feel fear telling me anything. Especially when it’s about someone they love..”⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ So when my kids were around 4, I would say the usual “mommy wants you to live with me forever.” And my children would always say “I’m never moving out I love you!” And to which I would say back to my son “what if you find an amazing girl to marry? Then I’m sure you won’t be sad about moving out!”⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I thought about what I had said for a minute. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Why has I assumed he would grow up to marry a woman?⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Is this slowly making him believe he can only grow up to love a girl? ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Am I slowly making him scared to tell me about the possibility that he will grow up to love a man?⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ So I changed the way I worded things. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I started asking “what if you marry an amazing woman or man when you grow up?”⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I started saying “I can’t wait to see who you grow up to be, and what girl or boy, or whoever, you bring home to meet mommy.” ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I want my children to know I will always love them, and that I will always support them, no matter who they love. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I know it’s a small thing, but you never know what makes a big impact on your young children. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Because I will love my son no matter what, and I never want him to be scared to tell me anything. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Start normalizing that it’s okay to love whoever you want.

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Seriously, this shouldn’t even be a debate. Imagine losing your grandparents only to realize you had barely spent any time with them outside of family holidays and gatherings?

They’re incredibly important people in your life!

Without them you wouldn’t exist!

They have a vast wealth of knowledge to share (some might even say a lifetime) and they’re there to support and guide you in ways that your parents just cannot.

Keep on keepin’ on Caitlin, don’t let anyone get you down! You responded perfectly!

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