Unfortunately, abusive relationships are all too common. People find themselves in toxic environments that can be physically and mentally painful. To make matters worse, many women in these relationships feel trapped and unable to leave, especially when there are kids involved.
For one woman, the reality of her abusive relationship pushed her to do something amazing.
Shanda Lynn Poitra grew up on the Turtle Mountain Reservation in North Dakota until she left for college when she was 24. Sadly, she was in an abusive relationship and felt totally trapped.
“Unfortunately,” she says, “I took my bad relationship with me. At the time, I didn’t realize it was so bad, much less, abusive. Seeing and hearing about abusive relationships while growing up gave me the mentality that it was just a normal way of life.”
While she was in college, she struggled to be away from home.
She had three kids and two were still in diapers. Aside from her full-time class schedule, she also had a job as a part-time house cleaner. In short, she was busy and feeling burnt out.
“I wore many masks back then and clothing that would cover the bruises,” she remembers. “Despite the darkness that I was living in, I was a great student; I knew that no matter what, I HAD to succeed. I knew there was more to my future than what I was living, so I kept working hard.”
One day, however, things started to change.
While she was deciding on an elective class to complete her credit requirements, she noticed one called IMPACT. IMPACT is a self-defense class that was completed over a weekend and Shanda decided that she might as well give it a try.
What she didn’t know was that one class would change her life forever.
She walked into the Friday class one person and came out on Sunday a different person. It allowed her to set boundaries in a way she never knew she could.
“I was setting boundaries and people were either respecting them or not, but I was able to acknowledge who was worth keeping in my life and who wasn’t,” she says.
Even more, she decided to leave her abuser that summer.
For people who aren’t in abusive relationships, it’s hard to understand the bravery it took for Shanda to walk away. Still, she found the courage to finally do it! She even reported him to the authorities!
“As afraid as I was, I finally had the courage to report the abuse to legal authorities, and I had the support of friends and family who provided comfort for my children and I during this time,” she says.
It took her a while to fully relax, especially since she had to move her kids around because she knew the lengths that her abuser would go to to find them. After a few years, however, she was finally able to fully relax.
With this newfound freedom, she started taking other classes and got active in her community.
Once she got back home, she started helping after she heard a terrible story of a friend being beaten within an inch of her life.
“Within my first week of being home, I noticed so much violence that I once thought was normal behavior,” she says. “One morning, I got a phone call notifying me that my childhood friend was beaten and left for dead by her children’s father; she was flown out to the nearest ICU and taken in for surgery for a hematoma in her skull.”
Inspired, she got women from her community to take the class!
One class literally changed her life and allowed her to impact others in a powerful way. She even raises money for IMPACT and brings them into her community to help build confidence.
Finding your confidence allows you to help others find theirs!
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