Raising kids will never feel like a walk in the park.
As parents, you’re not going to get your full sleep, you’re always anxious about your child’s welfare. You’re constantly tired and burnt out but you don’t have the choice of just stepping on a plane and going on a four-week vacation.
To make matters even more challenging, you’ll be faced with situations where you’d have to discipline your child. You may not hit your child, but how many parents can say that they never yelled at them?
Yelling is almost an instinctive response.
We yell when we’re scared, angry, or frustrated. Some parents even view this as a disciplinary tool for kids who misbehave.
But the thing is, this kind of measure does more harm than good. Parents think that since it’s not as physical, it will be less traumatic. In reality, however, the damage is almost the same.
A 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development explained this correlation.
The study explained that yelling produces similar results to physical punishment. It increases levels of anxiety and stress, and makes children more susceptible to depression.
The technique is actually so ineffective that it causes and increases behavioral problems as the children age.
Yelling also reveals more about the parent than the child.
It might be tempting for parents because it makes them feel authoritative and in control. In reality, they are actually showing the total opposite.
Yelling is not a form of communication. It is a form of release. It is a way to regulate emotions albeit in a loud and crass way. It is showing that the parent doesn’t know what else to do.
But how does yelling affect a child?
First, children’s brains are highly susceptible to change. Yelling can actually affect the development of their brains.
Children also treat their parents as safety blankets. Scaring them by yelling at them rattles this notion, which can make children much more insecure.
Children are also least likely to change their ways when they’re being corrected via yelling. A parent is just setting themselves up for a bigger shouting match when their kids reach their teenage years.
So what can you do instead?
Remember that your child is as human as you. This means that kids also rely on healthy modes of communication so that they fulfill their filial responsibility.
Next, parents should always lead by example. If you want to correct behavior, you should be able to back up that talk by showing them how it’s done.
For example, if you want them to clean their room, bring it to their attention. Make sure that the spaces you control in the house is clean too. And if they do clean, make sure to reward them with acknowledgment and a hug.
So when is it okay to yell?
Yell only to get their attention. If your kids are already wrestling and beating each other up, you can yell to shock them into stopping.
You can also do this when the kids are about to do something dangerous. A yell can break them out of their curiosity “trance”. In all cases, make sure that modulate your voice when explaining things.
Parenting is hard, but it should also be a continuous learning path that can help you build a good relationship with your kids. And if shouting is your default way of dealing with thing, maybe you should think again.
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