Family Fun
Comedian outs grandma’s “merciless” grandchild ranking system after being demoted
Dan LaMorte was just getting close to the top of his Nanny's board for the first time until he went and got himself demoted.
Jaclyn Abergas
10.27.22

Grandmas aren’t supposed to have their favorites but this grandma does.

Comedian Dan LaMorte revealed to the world that his grandmother, Mary LaMorte, who they call Nanny, has a grandchild ranking board.

The grandchildren are ranked according to their achievements and whether they visit Nanny or not.

Dan isn’t number one.

TikTok - @danlamorte
Source:
TikTok - @danlamorte

And there is one more reason that could quickly take you from first to last in a second.

“This is my grandma’s ranking board,” Dan said in the video. “She has a wooden board where she ranks the grandchildren from one to 10, all of our faces on magnets. I’m No. 4, the highest I’ve ever been, but did just get two new tattoos though, so I am a bit nervous about what that’s going to do for my ranking.”

TikTok - @danlamorte
Source:
TikTok - @danlamorte

The odds aren’t in his favor.

What do you think? Will Dan stay in the 4th position or will he be demoted?

The ranking board was actually gifted to Nanny by Dan and his girlfriend, and Nanny has been using it ever since.

“It was always an inside joke that there were favorites in the family,” Dan LaMorte added. “So, that’s how the board was made.”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dan LaMorte (@danlamorte)

No grandchild left behind

The ranking board is made of wood with a ranking from one to ten and has magnetic photos of all ten grandchildren.

“The magnetic photo makes it easy to switch the photos if they get promoted or demoted. Different milestones or behaviors are the basis for the ranking. Did you visit Nanny? You go up on the board. Just had a baby? Promoted.”

TikTok - @danlamorte
Source:
TikTok - @danlamorte

There are only two exceptions and are already locked in the top.

His two cousins, a veterinarian, and a dentist occupy the two positions.

For everyone else, it’s fair game.

If you don’t visit or call Nanny as much, that grandchild gets demoted.

“It’s a good system to keep the family encouraged to kind of stay close together, to always make sure you’re checking in,” Dan said.

TikTok - @danlamorte
Source:
TikTok - @danlamorte

Great grandkids need not worry.

There are family members that will never make it to the board and it’s the great-grandchildren.

“We don’t put them on the board because we’re scared they [might] get ranked above us,” Dan admitted. “They’re younger and cuter, and they haven’t messed up as much.”

TikTok - @danlamorte
Source:
TikTok - @danlamorte

So what do you think?

Did Dan get demoted?

Dan showed the two new tattoos on his left arm to Nanny, who gasped.

“This is what I think of your new tattoos,” Nanny said in the video.

She took his photo from the 4th position to the 10th, placing him the last position without hesitation.

Nanny said tattoos will always get you demoted.

TikTok - @danlamorte
Source:
TikTok - @danlamorte

The grandchild ranking board is not something they take seriously, especially since Nanny has always taught them not to take life too seriously.

“We’ve always been a very jokey, roasty family. It’s definitely a way to keep everyone together, and it gets us all talking. I was very lucky with four funny grandparents who are all still alive. I always grew up with someone telling jokes—and Nanny would always tell you never to take yourself too seriously,” Dan shared.

Dan did get a page two feature on the New York Post about the ranking board.

Will he rank higher?

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A post shared by Dan LaMorte (@danlamorte)

See Dan get demoted by Nanny in the video below!

Please SHARE this with your friends and family.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dan LaMorte (@danlamorte)

By Jaclyn Abergas
hi@sbly.com
Jaclyn Abergas is a contributor at SBLY Media.
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