Budding fathers, rejoice! It’s understandable to be nervous at the idea of becoming a dad, especially for first timers. And while there are countless sites and blogs out there for moms, the same cannot be said for soon to be fathers. Until now.
How to DAD is every man’s best friend for anything and everything related to babies and the required skills that come with the poop machines. All you need to do is subscribe to the channel, and take notes.
His name is Jordan Watson.
And he tells it as it is. None of those silly social media posts of perfect parents and smiling dads with laughing babies. This is the real deal. He is no Insta-dad. Jordan shows the raw, hilarious side of how fathers operate. Just don’t show mom.
This is the complete guide to newborns.
The New Zealander has 802k subscribers so he knows his stuff. Ever wonder how to make a baby burp? Well, here you go. Now for demo purposes, Jordan doesn’t use a doll or anything like that. He uses a real baby.
Jordan starts with the standard burp. He holds the baby on one arm while patting the little human’s back until the baby burps. Or he burps. It’s all for effect. Instructional purposes.
Now for the variations.
The “reverse cat pat” is basically self explanatory. Same carry position, but you stroke the baby’s back from butt to neck. So you go from south to north, all while pretending the baby is a cat. Don’t ask.
The “repeat after me” is easy. Hold the baby at arms length, then burp. And hope the baby does the same.
On to the next level.
This is the “knee boppity-bop burp”. Jordan positions the baby on his knee, and he… moves his knee up and down at decent speed which is the “boppity-bop” part. He’s serious about this.
“Please don’t be sick” requires the dad to lean the baby forward in the hopes of eliciting a burp and not barf. The variation is the “sideways please don’t be sick”. You get the idea.
Here’s a favorite.
“The lazy dad”! Perfect for those sports nights. Position the baby on his/her belly on your thighs, hold the child with one hand while the other handles the remote control. Give the baby a few nice pats every once in awhile.
On to the next set of skills.
Holding a baby isn’t as simple as ABC. Jordan’s got you covered. From standard shoulder holds, to reverse variations, and on to the more complex ones, Jordan demos everything. Because men need to see to understand.
The carry skills keep in to account everything dads need to do. Like carrying beers, picking something up, holding the baby at bay because of stinky diapers, and the like. Plus he makes sure to inform his viewers that no babies were harmed during filming.
What about the dirty bits?
Jordan’s got that covered too. Did baby poo? Well watch and listen. Now go take a whiff. If poop makes you queasy, do it long distance. Now listen for unusual sounds coming from the baby’s bum. If unsure, go ahead and interrogate your baby.
There’s also the “peek-a-boo”. Nothing confirms a case like the eyes resting on evidence. Now you can ask someone else but that would make you look irresponsible. Unless it’s the wife. And that’s it!
Changing diapers dad style.
Of course there’s a smell. So hold your breath. And if you need to, close your eyes and pray. You can retch if necessary but the best way is to go supersonic as Jordan demonstrates. Sheer will!
If the baby wants to do it himself, let him. Just don’t throw tantrums. It’s not very dad-like.c]
Rocking a baby to sleep.
Dads get to exercise and move around for this one. That’s a figure of eight to warm up those hips. Now go to the “invisible trampoline” to get those calf muscles and ankles moving. Feeling better?
The “stiff leg” allows you to rock from one leg to the other. Combine any of those with the “hummer” for a complete auditory effect. The hula hoop and the workout are sure to get your lungs burning too!
Jordan demos the upright twist and the lazy arm and wouldn’t you know it? The baby falls asleep! They work!
Baby rolls!
Jordan says,
“Basically as a parent you just need to physically show them how to…”
So he gets on the living room floor and shows his baby how to roll. Jordan is a great dad and teacher. He’s not afraid to show his kid how to do it. Even on the sidewalk, the beach, at an intersection… You get the idea. Baby’s like, wtf dad.
Well finally, finally, the baby does a little roll! Jordan celebrates his achievement and as always, says no babies were harmed in the making of the video.
Baby in pram.
Dads out with babies know how important prams are. It’s got wheels so it should make life easier. Start with the back and forth, but gently. When tired, sit down and use one leg to rock the pram. And if that coffee hits, do the power walk!
Don’t avoid that small stick. Use it for the “bumpity-bumps” and test that prams suspension. If that doesn’t work, there’s the “ocean shhhhh”. Make sure there’s no one around. You’ll look absolutely mental.
If the baby gets fussy and starts crying, just go, “she’ll be alright.” It works like a charm.
Dad hacks.
See that capsule? Now put your carrying arm through the handle as how Jordan demonstrates it. Grab the side bit, then stand up like a real man. Now practice with the weaker arm. See? Easy.
Jordan’s baby just gives dad another look. Same look she’ll be giving him 20-30 years later. Awesome.
Click on the video below and start honing those dad skills!
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