Having children is a major responsibility, no matter how much preparation we have or how much we want them. Although we can lay out our best plans of what we’ll teach them, how we expect them to behave and how to create a safe home for them, there are sure to be surprises along the way. Still, one aspect of bringing up children that we often forget about is how our children will interact with the external world.
More specifically, we don’t often think about how other people will react to our children in the world.
Generally speaking, we know who our kids are and, if we’ve raised them well, we have faith they’ll be good people.
Still, what we don’t expect is for other adults to judge our kids and our families just on the basis of being in their space. That’s exactly what happened to one mother of four named Jess, who detailed the story on her parenting blog, Wonderoak. It all started after Jess and her family had moved into a new neighborhood and met one of their neighbors:
“We just moved into a new neighborhood and I met an elderly woman a couple blocks down the street. She looked at me in shock (almost horror) when I told her that we have four kids and she kept saying, “Four? Four??” Then she looked at me square in the eyes. “I guess that will be okay,” she said, “as long as they are quiet.” She was dead serious.”
After the initial reaction, Jess didn’t know what to do but to laugh—though she said she felt “kid-shamed.”
Once it had happened, she had to do reflection on what it means to have a family:
“I think I understand her perspective. This is her street and she’s probably lived on it upwards of fifty years. It would be hard to deal with change and disruption of her normal. It probably feels like the invasion of the Brady Bunch.
However, I often feel like we bother people by being us. Not necessarily by anything we do, but just the idea of what we “might do”. When we’d wait our turn for our passports and tickets to be checked at the airport, we’d hear heavy sighs behind us like, gawd are you kidding me. I felt like turning around and saying, “FYI sir, we paid for six tickets, you paid for one, so we have every right to be here.”
Above all, Jess says that their family teaches their children respect and expects the same from others.
Although the situation she found herself in was relatively low-stakes, Jess used the opportunity to call attention to similar instances of discrimination against kids and families:
“I won’t apologize for them laughing loudly while they ride bikes in the cul de sac. I tell them not to yell, but I don’t feel bad when an occasional “whoop” slips their lips. They are kids. Kids are a normal part of life.
When we asked for a rental application for a certain house, the property manager replied with a simple one line e-mail, “Sorry this house is too small for your family.” It was a three bedroom, which is the size of home we’ve always lived in. No questions, no asking if we were sure it would work for us. It was a clear “blow off” from someone who didn’t want to be inconvenienced by children. (If you’re ever in that situation, know your rights).
These “annoying kids” are the future.
A baby in an airplane who is screaming is not “annoying you” and making your flight terrible, they are likely in a lot of pain. You can put on your headphones and crank the music. I guarantee this scenario is a lot worse for the baby and for the parents than it is for you.”
The post is titled “My Kids Are Not An Inconvenience (For You)” and has been reblogged on many sites including Love What Matters.
Even for those who don’t have children themselves, Jess’s post about her family is definitely relatable. How many times have we found ourselves in a situation where a mother is struggling with her children and our first instinct is to judge them or think of our inconvenience over theirs? Above all, Jess’s post is a reminder that a little bit of empathy can go a long way—and that other people’s kids are here to stay.
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