Becoming a parent is a real tough job. Often, just thinking about things that could go wrong takes as much of your time as taking care of your kids.
It’s especially true for moms, who have to consider every little thing about their bodies when it comes to having kids. It’s why those first few ob-gyn visits can be so anxiety-inducing.
One mother on Reddit had her own dilemma to face. It was hypothetical but important to her.
Reddit user Aithana told of the difficult question she asked her husband.
Her husband supported her decision. It was the backlash from her friends that made her as if she “was the A**hole”.
Aithana, who we would call the OP in this case, has had a cesarean operation before due to her weight and gestational diabetes. Her first birth to her daughter went well. But her weight, diabetes, and the need for a C-section eventually got her thinking.
Modern medical technology means much fewer women have complications during childbirth anymore. But it can still happen.
And OP couldn’t help but worry about such a hypothetical. So she told her husband something deeply serious and personal.
OP wondered if such a thing could happen to her if she conceived again.
She admits she’s being too anxious, but your partners are there to be with you during moments like this. OP had the conversation with the husband during the first child’s birth.
Her fear was a situation where it might come down to only saving either her or the baby. And she asked him to save her if ever.
Taking a moment to process what she’d said, he eventually did agree with her. Admittedly not something everyone will agree with.
And it’s a thought that she had to bring up again during a Christmas party with several friends. This is where she ended up in hot water for her decision.
With the topic of that night being babies, her friends eventually brought the question to her.
They asked her if she was ready to carry and deliver a child again.
So OP told them she feared giving birth again and would prefer her husband save her over the child, should it come to that.
And her friends didn’t take this very well. Not one bit. It’s not hard to understand why this upset her friends. The life of a baby is the most valuable thing in a lot of people’s eyes, and prioritizing your life over one will surely rub a lot of people the wrong way.
She argues that leaving her daughter without a mother would be worse than leaving her without a sibling. Some commenters agreed.
“Exactly. A widowed father with 2 kids will have a lower quality of life than a healthy mother and father with just 1 child. I’m not looking down on single fathers by the way! I just think the family would be happier if the mother was alive. ” – said user vvousmevoyez
Her friends argue that her decision amounts to leaving a baby to die.
Not wanting to leave her daughter without a mother was just one reason. She gave another reason.
“I didn’t want my husband to be blindsided with who to choose and to have the answer on the spot. Nobody likes to think in what could go wrong specially in a pregnancy but I need to think every possible case that we could encounter.”
Stillborn births, ectopic pregnancies, and other similar events do occur. It isn’t unheard of for people to prioritize the mom’s life over the child’s.
No mother wants any of these to happen, and those who do experience it know how devastating it can be.
But OP doesn’t know for sure if any of these might happen, so I can see why others might be put off by her decision.
So she asked Reddit if she was in the wrong. The majority of responses said she wasn’t “the a**hole”.
Though a few comments raised a fair point: That she wasn’t technically “a**hole”, but such a situation would likely never occur making the discussion unnecessary.
It’s not easy to talk about for sure. But the conversation it sparked is a thoughtful one. In fact, one wouldn’t mind hearing more thoughts on it too.
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