Juggling the lives of multiple kids can feel like a high-wire act, especially when their calendars start filling up with sports, school events, and the ever-popular birthday party circuit.
It’s a universal challenge for parents, trying to balance each child’s individual needs with the collective chaos of family life.
This balancing act becomes particularly tricky when it comes to navigating the social etiquette of birthday parties, a topic that has sparked a lively debate among parents online.
Jeena Wilder, a mother of five from South Carolina, stirred the pot with her unconventional approach to birthday party invitations.
In a video shared on TikTok and Instagram, Wilder and her family perform a cheerful dance through their home, illustrating her policy – if one child is invited to a birthday party, the entire Wilder clan considers themselves invited.
“POV when you invite one of my children to a birthday party. You invite one child you get all of us…”
This “all-or-nothing” stance is accompanied by a promise of bringing “awesome gifts,” a gesture meant to offset the potential imposition of her larger-than-average party contribution.
On Instagram, the mom wrote:
“If one of your children is invited to a birthday party does that mean all of your kids can go? I’m team the whole family goes! I know that not everyone feel that way so I always make sure I spend a little bit more on the birthday gift than the average person would to make up for it. Do you feel like just the child that got invited should go or the whole family?”
Wilder’s approach has divided parents across social media.
Some applaud her for promoting family unity and ensuring safety by not leaving any children behind, especially since her husband’s demanding work schedule often leaves her managing the brood solo.
Wilder always makes it a point to RSVP or ask the hosting parents first, showing respect for their plans and preferences.
One person commented:
“I always expect all the family to come when I invite kids to birthday parties! I have 5 kids too and most the people we invite to parties have multiples too. It’s gona be a big party 🤷🏻♀️ lol”
Another shared:
“Yeap. That’s me with all our 4 girls, I usually asked if the other girls can attend. If it’s a no we all can’t go.”
However, not all feedback has been positive.
Some argue that inviting extra guests without explicit permission can strain the host’s resources and potentially disrupt the event, especially for parties with per-head costs or tailored activities.
Some parents, particularly those with introverted or anxious children, express concern that uninvited siblings could overshadow the intended guest of honor, turning a special day into a stressful one.
An Instagram user wrote:
“So unbelievably rude throwing kids birthday party is expensive enough. Now having to add five other people, no. Just no it’s rude.”
Someone else commented:
“Yeah….it’s a no for me. I also think it’s very disrespectful. Parties for children often have a certain amount of children invited for a reason. This is distasteful.”
Despite the controversy, Wilder’s stance is rooted in her cultural background and personal experiences.
Growing up in a Haitian household, she was accustomed to whole-family invitations, a tradition she finds comforting and inclusive.
This practice, she believes, fosters a sense of community and ensures child safety, a priority in her parenting philosophy.
Wilder’s method also reflects a broader conversation about the evolving norms of children’s birthday parties.
In an era where parents are often juggling multiple commitments, some see the appeal in Wilder’s approach as a way to simplify logistics and strengthen family bonds.
Others, however, advocate for maintaining traditional boundaries, emphasizing the importance of individual friendships and experiences.
In the end, whether we’re team “just the invited child” or “team the whole family,” perhaps we can all agree on the value of coming together to mark these special moments, each in our own unique way.
Watch the mom’s Instagram video below!
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