Kids don’t even realize they enjoy the services of a personal chef every single day!
We shop, plan, and cook meals, and try to choose healthy snacks only to have them thrown in our faces (sometimes literally).
Sure, you can insist that your child eats all organic and finishes all of their food without complaint, but no one really believes that. We all know that kids can be impossible sometimes when it comes to food.
Honestly, it’s a miracle that they survive on what they agree to eat!
How many of these parents airing grievances about their kids’ food habits can you identify with?
1. Thanks, we hate it
When your kids ask what’s for dinner, the answer doesn’t matter.
They will react like you’re about to feed them marinated monkey butts.
— Elena (@ElenaChainHelp1) February 6, 2017
Don’t worry, they’ll never say that. Because “thanks” just isn’t in a little one’s vocabulary.
Sometimes they just hate the whole concept of dinner.
2. A day at school
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old’s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 15, 2013
The good news is they bring home what they didn’t finish eating instead of shoving it in their locker in a paper bag for weeks until their outerwear comes home smelling like mold.
Not that we know from experience or anything.
3. Sounds potent!
“How’s that soup Daddy made?”
7yo: “It tastes like broccoli punching me in the face.” #brutallyhonest— Jessica L (@JessLint) November 26, 2016
Ok, to be fair, you had to expect this one if you’re giving your kid liquid broccoli.
4. Oh, YOUR food? That looks good
When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016
Food only looks good when it’s on someone else’s plate, for some reason. The grass is always greener…
5. Mmm…cheese
70% of parenting is just melting cheese on stuff to try and get your kids to eat it.
The other 30% is dipping it in ketchup.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) July 12, 2015
Well, to be fair, everything is better with melted cheese on top.
We’re not sure why kids love cheese and ketchup so much, but we might as well just go ahead and build them a new food pyramid.
6. Food is fun
Before I had kids, I didn’t even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 3, 2014
It’s hard to find food that doesn’t create problems with crumbs. But for some reason, everyone has to learn the hard way with granola bars.
Those things should come with an age warning on them.
7. We eat what we must
I just ate some half-chewed food my son spit onto his plate. Parenting has reduced me to some kind of disgusting bird-man. DON’T LOOK AT ME!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 17, 2015
While kids are busy being picky, parents tend to become less picky. After spending all the time and money on food, you hate to see it go to waste!
8. Get in shape
Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014
Little kids will find any reason not to eat something. It being the “wrong shape” is just one in a series of ridiculous requests.
9. Taking their time
Sorry we’re late. My daughter was eating each individual Cheerio like it was a mini doughnut.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 30, 2015
It’s good to eat slowly, but kids manage to take it to a whole new level. They can turn a bowl of cereal into a fine dining experience – at least in terms of the time it takes to finish a meal.
10. Compliments to the chef
Roasted broccoli for dinner tonight, and the rave reviews are in.
“What is this? It tastes like hair,” said one ungrateful child.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 15, 2015
Kids are mini food critics – except meaner!
11. Wasted
I always thought working in fast food as a teenager taught me a lot about the food waste problem in this country. Then I had a toddler.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 5, 2017
It’s amazing how much food kids leave untouched. You don’t want them to overeat. You want them to listen to their bodies. But sometimes you have to wonder how they’re even getting enough calories to exist.
12. I changed my mind
“YOU KNOW I HATE WHITE CHEESE!!!!” screams my son, who for the last year of his life would literally only eat white cheese.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) June 6, 2017
Being a picky eater doesn’t mean you have the same demands every day. Sometimes you like white cheese, sometimes you like orange cheese.
It’s a kid thing.
13. Selling it
If persuading my kids to eat the dinner I cook every night doesn’t count as sales experience, I don’t know what does.
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) June 27, 2017
It’s amazing how much convincing we have to do to get kids just to try something much less finish it.
It really should count as sales experience – or at the very least “persuasion” should be a skill you can list on your resume.
14. Celebrities, they’re just like us
It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish…
— Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) April 30, 2016
Ok, if Carrie Underwood can’t even get her kid to eat, maybe we shouldn’t feel so bad.
15. The kid has a point
Me: You can’t just eat pizza and chicken nuggets. You have to try other foods.
4-year-old: Why? I’ve already had the best.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 19, 2017
We shouldn’t have made pizza and chicken nuggets taste so good. After childhood, you have to do your best to avoid them unless you have calories to spare – and no one really wants to avoid them anyway.
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We knew food was complicated, but kids manage to take it to a whole new level!
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