One all too common problem is that kids misbehave around their mom.
It occurs so frequently, that some might wonder whether kids are actually more likely to behave badly when around mothers versus other people.
Do kids act better in the company of other adults compared to when they are at home alone with their mom?
It’s an important question to ask.
For a toddler, we imagine that the logical thought process goes something like this — “Are any adults watching?”.
If the answer is no, then they feel like they can get away with more things.
It stands to reason that they might also feel that if their mom is watching, it could have both a positive and negative effect on behavior.
It probably all depends on the specific parenting styles and expectations.
Perhaps the mom will be more lenient with the child if she catches them doing something bad as compared to a teacher or other authority figure supervising them in the same situation.
If they aren’t as worried about being judged, kids might feel more compelled to act out.
They say that a mother’s love is unconditional, so a child may feel that even if they are bad, they will still be looked at in a positive light by their parents.
However, that’s just one way to think about the situation.
On the other hand, this is what some child psychology experts have to say on the topic.
Child psychologist Dr. Heather Wittenberg explains to The Mother Company that kids save their best and their worst for their parents. Parents get to see both sides of the coin, or in other words, they get to see it all.
“They’re their ‘true selves’ with us. It takes energy to ‘be good’ and follow the rules — especially for young children — so when they get home, they let it all hang out,” says Wittenberg.
“The good news is that their deepest love, affection, admiration, and goofiness are reserved for us, too.”
The fact that your kids are willing to show you both their good and bad sides means that they feel safe around you.
They trust you!
Wittenberg also explains that when kids behave badly around their moms, it’s partly because they miss their moms so much.
It sounds counterintuitive at first.
However, once you realize that kids often feel nervous and anxious when they are left at daycare or dropped off at school, it all makes sense.
Kids behaving badly when you bring them home after school is just their way of letting you know that they feel some resentment towards you.
“You’re being punished for leaving them. Sure, once they’re settled into daycare they have fun. But deep down they miss you and are angry that you left. So you get punished upon your return,” says Wittenberg.
Kids acting badly around Mom, or Dad, is not necessarily bad or good, but it is totally normal.
It should mainly be used as an indicator of how a child is feeling.
Part of being a kid is about learning to embrace conflicting feelings and deal with them.
On one hand, kids love school and getting to hang out with other children their age.
However, they also miss Mom too. These are the growing pains in life that every child must go through.
If your kid is acting out towards you, don’t take it personally.
The next time you see a kid misbehaving around a mom, in a bit of a roundabout way, you can actually imagine it being a compliment.
Check out a video below showing how an expert nanny helped a mom whose kids were misbehaving.
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